A victim of advertising...

With a BS in Marketing, I really shouldn't fall victim to commercials, but I swear I do. I love me some Old Navy music. It's so cheesy, but after I've seen the ad 84,000 times, I am singing the song and looking online for the clothes.


This green top is just WRONG on a brunette with white (read: see-through) pale skin, but it does come in other colors. The jeans are pegged as "skinny" but you know they come in one million sizes, so we're all set, yes girls?

This babydoll Fair Isle sweater is KILLING me. Totally not something I would normally go for, but the damn song... "if you are chilly, here take my sweater, cause I love, the way you call me baby..." I must have it. Maybe then Coach will call me "baby?" In a totally non-patronizing way, of course. Plus it's like $20, so really it's free.

I have no intentions of ever wearing cream (again, with the dark hair, I need much stronger colors near my fabulous face like black, red, white, navy...), but again the jacket comes in other colors and EVERY mass retailer has a version of the cropped swing jacket. I love the longer tank underneath and I think with dressier pants, it's a total go-to-work emsemble.

And speaking of clothing, I am breaking my own rules tomorrow. I insist that the boys wear collared shirts to school, unless it's Spirit Day and they are wearing a school tee shirt, or if it's a Friday and they are wearing khakis and a nice solid tee. But Ryan's teacher went to Auburn (and she was in my sorority, hoo hoo SCORE!) and her team beat Florida this weekend. In honor of the big win, which she celebrates in the math lesson on Monday, he is wearing his Auburn shirt. With khaki shorts of course.

How was your weekend?

This is not my chest

The AC of recent repair seems to be acting iffy tonight, and I am SOOOO tired. And stabby. And cranky. I get so irritated when I have to deal with home issues...which is why I am a Realtor...that makes a whole mess of sense. Is it something like the cobbler's children having no shoes?



Had the baby shower today, it was great, several people asked me for the pumpkin dip recipe, I will post them Sunday or Monday. I wore a really cute outfit, black and white babydoll graphic print shirt and black gauchos from White House Black Market. Love that store. My bank account does NOT.


Also, Coach is having a bit of a midlife crisis. Perhaps it's because it's the middle of Fall practice and he always acts like a turkey in October...or maybe it's because he is turning 40 in a few months. Although I am not sure he realizes that. Until he just read this. Sorry hot stuff, YOU IS OLD!




Don't get me wrong, I can commisserate. I had a major hissy fit when I turned 30. Literally ONLY left my house because Jack landed himself in the hospital. Spent 3 days there wallowing in self-pity and then had no choice but to move on and be a big girl about it. I am still pissed to be over 30. I cried when the Lancome lady suggested I "graduate" to a more "mature" moisturizer. Just out of spite, I bought some MaryKate and Ashley stuff from WalMart. Bitch. Then I picked up some LipSmackers. Don't tell me I have "mature" skin, I will kick your fake lab coat wearing tailpipe. Sorry, had a real flashback there. Damn Galeria Mall. Last time I go there in TN.




Off to put up the china. So many people tell me that they wish they hadn't registered for china, but I am so glad I have mine, we use it frequently. Here's the pattern. It goes well with my Mother's, so that's one of the reasons I (Coach) picked it out. It has little nymphs on it and Coach says they are nymphos...maybe that will help him out of his midlife crisis...but, hey, I am just saying.

And to add insult to injury, who knew that Yellow Jackets were this dangerous?

my poor Tigers...

Totally non-sequitor post

Just a little end of the month shout-out to all of you cyber friends who are feeling the end of the month finance pinch. Not that I'd know anything about that...um, yeah.

Have to run to Ryan's school to throw a pie in the principal's face this afternoon, she pledged to do it in front the whole school if we met a specific PTA goal. Of course, with me at the helm, we've exceeded said goal, duh. The children think it's hilarious, but I think it's a bit pedantic.

I am having a baby shower here Saturday afternoon for the Recruiting Coordinator's wife (hello, Cara and soon to arrive Baby Samantha!) and have been baking and prepping for much of this morning. We are having an autumnal themed dessert shower:

Pumpkin Dip with Fruit and Gingersnaps
Dark Chocolate Chip Bundt Cake (not "butt" cake like the children are saying)
Apple Rhubarb Cobbler with Cranberries
Classic Spritz Cookies
Pecan and Apple Dip with Breton crackers

and one million glasses of tea...

In other news:

Ran into a mom of one of Jack's preschool classmates at SuperTarget yesterday (sorry to taunt those of you who are on restriction from there for over-spending). She is a divorced mom with 2 boys who also works. She said, "I've been meaning to call you because there is something I need to ask you. How in the world do you do it? You have it all together and are basically a single parent. What's your secret?" And so I told her...

My secret is, I DON'T have it all together, I just wear lipgloss and cute hoodies and ACT like I do. My house isn't perfect and God knows my stress/anxiety level is through the roof. (just aske Coach, he is usually on the other end of the tears) I do things for myself, sometimes when I should be cooking/cleaning/etc. But the real secret is that I am a BITCH. I am only nice when I need to be and I screen phone calls, big time.

What's your secret?

Black and White Bliss

The Bride shared photos via email today, so I consider that the "go ahead" to post one here...how great is this one?

I meant it when...

I am sure you all could hardly go to work/sleep for wondering what my revenge would be at the Y today, so wait no longer, I shall tell you.

By the luck of the draw (and some plotting and line jostling), our not-so-appropriate Nil was behind us in the "shower line" today after swimming lessons. Her children were already in the changing area, she was showering ALONE today. Whatever you freak-o. As my oldest exited the shower and headed towel-wrapped into the changing stall, I graciously asked that hussy if she'd like me to leave the water running. She smiled at me and said, "That would be great."

SO, what was my revenge you say? You are on tenterhooks awaiting the news?

I may have just possibly turned the water to ice cold, but I'll never tell. Her yelp may have let you know though. See, I am alot of fun, but if you make me angry...I am a complete bitch.

If you all are very, very nice and comment accordingly, I'll tell you a story about how I stole once out of revenge...at Taco Bell... hmmm, aren't you curious?

Idiocy Abounds

What is it this week with all the IDIOTS? Maybe my tolerance is just really low (it tends to mirror my bank balance).

The boys take swimming lessons at the YMCA on Mon/Wed afternoons. The lessons end at 5:15, so clearly they shower and put pajamas on and then we head home. Since they are under 7 and boys (thanks A LOT Coach, just what I freaking wanted), we use the family locker room. Said family locker room is for that use precisely, moms and dads who need to get their minis changed/showered/pottied for any number of YMCA activities. It is NOT for adults.

There are 6 stall type areas with shower curtains for changing clothes and using the commode. There are 2 showers with the same curtains and one sink.

When swimming lessons end, there are approximately 35 children and their
respective parents who head to the locker room. About 1/2 of those children use the shower.

WHY then, when there is a line of shivering minis waiting not-so-patiently isn't every mother/father hustling their child through the showering process? "Hurry up buddy rinse your hair, do a quick once over with the soap. Other children are waiting." Oh, that's right, they ALL do. Every parent there seems to have picked up on the social nuances of the family locker room and speeds the children through the process. We have all determined that this is not going to be the most thorough shower they ever had, just getting off the excess chlorine, etc.

EXCEPT for Nil. Yep, that's her stupid name, Nil. It mirrors her likeability quotient. She, a seemingly lucid 35ish year old MOTHER of 2 is the ONLY one who doesn't get it. Her children are slow, yes. They need prodding, yes. But that's not really the problem. SHE IS IN THE DAMN SHOWER WITH THEM!!! Hell--ooo, there are moms AND dads in here and she's decided now is the time to freaking deep condition her hair and SHAVE HER LEGS? What the Hell is she THINKING? After TWELVE exfoliating minutes, she exits the shower cubby wrapped in a TOWEL and lotions herself up BEFORE dressing her preschoolers. Yep, leg (not a nice one either) propped up on the locker bench full on Jergens her ENTIRE self.

At this point, I am so late for my 6 o'clock showing, steam is poring out of my head (mirroring the steam she's created in her uber-shower spa experience in the FAMILY locker room at the dang YMCA.) And the Daddies? Just embarrassed for you. Truly, I recognize turned-on when I see it, they aren't.

Nil, I hate what you did. So does Ryan. So does Jack. And they have the blue lips to prove it.

In a Shallow Gene Pool

...is precisely where this child was born.

I appreciate a person's passion for something. Whatever that is, (even if it's sports). HOWEVER, this is just plain retarded:

CHICAGO (AP) - His parents say he can go by his middle name when he's old enough to decide.
For now, the newborn will be known by his first name: Wrigley.
And his last name: Fields.

His parents are Paul and Teri Fields of Michigan City, Ind. They are — no surprise — fans of the Cubs, who have played at Wrigley Field since 1916. The Fields planned the name for years before their son's birth.

"Wrigley Alexander Fields"

Furthermore, they PLANNED it for YEARS before his birth? I guess they never told anyone, because if they had, surely someone would have knocked some sense into them. Or thrown a Chicago hot dog at them. (run through the garden of course).

So, here's to you, Wrigley Fields, hoping you learn how to swim soon, because...

All your questions answered...kinda

In response to all of your comments and emails (clemsongirlandthecoach@yahoo.com), here are the answers to your most burning questions...or at least as much as I am willing to share online.

1. Yes, Coach is really a college coach.
2. No, I won't tell you where.
3. Yes, I met Coach when I was a student and he was a Coach.
4. No, the Athletic Director didn't "have an issue" with that, (I was a very mature 21...hee hee)
5. No, he does not make one million dollars a year. He makes 2 million. ummm, yeah...
6. No, it's not a "totally great lifestyle" that you and your hubbies should be "so jealous of" It's
lots of lonely nights...thus, the blog.
7. Yes, the children think that Coach hung the moon.
8. Yes, they get to hang out at work with him sometimes.
9. No, being married to him doesn't mean I am all athletic and fit, I love me some sitting on the
coach, I mean COUCH.
10. Yes, Coach reads my blog. (My entire family reads it Mom, Dad, Gram, Brother, etc)
11. No, they don't think I am as funny as you do. They know I am a pain in the arse.


anything else? I'll try to answer as best I can...

MWAH! I hear Bravo TV calling...and some diet whatever was on sale.

iPod Therapy

These are the songs I added to my iPod this morning, doesn't this all just sum up how amazingly interesting I am? Or possibly how I may be schizophrenic, whatever.

OK, I've got nothing else to blog and Coach is watching college football...boooo-ring!

Brown Eyed Girl (Van Morrison)
Candyman (Christina Aguilera)
Crazy Bitch (Buckcherry)
Firecracker (Josh Turner)
Get the Party Started (P!nk)
Girl Next Door (Saving Jane)
Good Directions (Billy Currington)
I Got My Game On (Trace Adkins)
Laid (James)
Love You (Jack Ingram)
Moondance (Van Morrison)
Perfect (Sara Evans) when then heck will "AS IF" be available on iTunes?!!
Rehab (Amy Winehouse)
Sweet Caroline (Neil Diamond) ode to the Groom and his cutie serenade!
This Little Light of Mine (Bruce Springsteen)
Ticks (Brad Paisley)
With You (Jessica Simpson)

Crewcuts

I think these new additions to http://www.jcrew.com/ for the minis are TOO cute,

Amen to the designer that recognizes that little boys do not need to

dress like gangsters...or worse.

The Wellies are my personal fav, and a cute deviation from the

yellow ones we normally get.

These chinos have pointers on them, 'nuff said.

South Carolina is the Best State Ever

I have got to tell you I had the BEST weekend in Hilton Head at M's wedding. Left Friday at 5am (after MUCH procrastination) and arrived just after 10am. I guess the Mommy Bus doesn't really go all that fast... (black yogas, Clemson flip flops and a Trademark properties tee)

Went to a hotel where most of the guests were staying at met up with the Bride at the pool, which was oceanside. Bee-u-tiful. The Bride in her white bandeau bikini AND the ocean. Spent a little time catching up with some sorority sisters and then whisked the Bride off to the salon for her hair appointment. Went here for the rehearsal dinner where we ate pounds of peel and eat shrimp, oysters and calamari before a yummy dinner of mahi. After dinner it started raining, so we all went here for several drinks and to listen to a band. (Lavendar, black and white wrap dress with a silver link long necklace)

Saturday morning I awoke at the Bride's parents' home and Bride had gone to get me a Chai Latte from here (duh). We packed her up for the honeymoon (she took one million bathing suits and 2 million pairs of flip flops) and headed to pick up the bridesmaids. We all went here for hair appts (OK, not me, NO ONE is able to fix my gorgeous hair like I can, hee hee) and the Bride had her makeup done. Then we were off to Colleton River Plantation for the ceremony and reception. Bride stepped on her dress just before the ceremony and tore the satin band off the front bottom. In true graceful-ness she simply requested a pair of scissors to, ahem, cut the entire band off and moved on. Amazing. (black faux wrap dress, peep toe black patent pumps and red gerbera daisies)

Bride and Groom were darling during the ceremony on the golf course and there were many tears (mine) and a few dozen love bugs, native to the lowcountry of South Carolina. (vs. the Upstate, home to the CLEMSON Tigers) Bride and Groom rocked it out to a choreographed Sugar Pie Honey Bunch (by default the Karaoke Song of the Day) and we danced the night away (insert many, many shots of Beam ((me)) and tequila ((her)). We ended up back at the bar and heard another band.

On Sunday morning, there was a lovely brunch and a little hair of the dog. (black tencel cropped pants, white cami, fuschia 3/4 sleeve tee and silver sea star pendant from the Bride) With my monogrammed (kelly green) wedding cake and palmetto tree cookies in hand, I headed home and back to reality. Yes, there is a difference between a palmetto tree and a plain ole boring palm tree.

No photos as of yet, I don't want to spoil her thunder while she is on vaca in Barbados...when she shares hers, I'll think about sharing mine. If you're nice that is.

Cheater, cheater pumpkin eater

I am not quite ready to blog about the wedding, still too tired (many, many shots of Beam), but I will give a shout out to the Bride, Happy 30th you old married lady, hope your having a great time in Barbados!!! I promise I will get to it, just not today.



I was going to write about how pissed Bill Belichick's wife probably is, but then I realized the dumbass is separated. Now we all know why...can you imagine if your hubby came home and said, "Honey, we may need to cut back a bit this year, I just got a HALF MILLION DOLLAR paycut." I would chain his arse to the back fence. I don't care how much money he makes or how much Kraft gives him, that is RIDICULOUS. And BTW, if you are going to be a cheater, cheater pumpkin eater, you might want to consider paying a DIFFERENT guy to video each week. Duh.

(yes, I realize Coach is cringing right now...honey, I love you I do. I know I have no real knowledge of athletics and I am quick to judge, but hey, at least I listen to sports talk radio)


I know what you're going to say, "all the NFL teams do it, he just got caught!" Whatever. Football is a GAME you whack job, why are you CHEATING? And how bad of a friend are you that your buddy is the one who called you out on it? Of course it could have been made a bit better if you freaking owned your cheater-ness instead of saying this,

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “It doesn’t matter. We’re moving on.”

Yeah Bill, I guess you are. Onto bigger and better things, and more sophisticated methods of cheating. But it appears that this instance of cheating is not his first, just google "Bill Belichick scandal" and you can read all about his alleged home wrecker-ness...

What an idiot.

OK, so I haven't exactly packed or done laundry for my trip to Hilton Head, which I leave for in about 14 hours. I have a sort of half-assed mental list of what I need to bring. Please dear God don't let me forget to print my reading for the wedding. If I forgot it I just might start reciting randomness, like the words to "Ice, Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice....and yes, I know them all. Furthermore I have yet to get directions to the island, so I guess I'll just take a cue from that aforementioned song and, "bust a left on A1-A, Beachfront Avenue..."

On a work related note, one of my GA friends has built a amazing new house and her current home is showing for the 17th time tonight. (In Atlanta, the average # of showings to sell your home is...17!) I am desperate for her to sell it and be able to move into the ginormous new home next month (and Visa might be desperate for me to go ahead and get that commission). So cross your cyber fingers that we get an offer this weekend. I did invite her family over for dinner tonight so they are out of their house during the showing...and so I could avoid packing. TN Katie had her house listed for about 1 minute last month, it sold and she is already in her new digs. Of course, I am no longer speaking to her...wanna know why?

Here's the scoop. TN Katie has 3 lovely children. One of which is a cutie cute little girl. (The other 2 are smelly boys, so who cares about them? I have those at my house already) Anyhoo, Katie left me a voice mail detailing the absolutely UNACCEPTABLE clothing she has been allowing her little cutie to wear, both out of the house and TO PRESCHOOL. Firstly, she allowed her to place on her cute little girl self a Spiderman shirt, which was not only wrong, but shirt was INSIDE OUT, so Spidey could be "closer to her heart" and a pair of, please take a deep breath, DENIM shorts. I am currently breathing into a paper bag, how about you?

After getting this voice mail from TN Katie, in which she was giggling and snickering in anticipation of my response, I indeed left her a voice mail back. I told that little TN so and so to get it together, put her cutie in some smocked darling dress with matching hairbow or we'd no longer be friends. Spiderman?? Why any parent would allow this shirt on their mini is really beyond me, ESPECIALLY on a GIRL. So, since that was yesterday, I am guessing she's still laughing at my message, or she's made a run to the Strasburg store at Opry Mills. Let's all pray it's the latter. Because she is one of my favorite friends, mostly since she's crazier than me. Oops, did I type that where she's gonna read it? Dang. :) *****10:07pm edited to add: TN Katie has blown it. Sweet bay girl is sleeping in an Ohio State jersey. I just PIMMALed...)

I've added a new blog to my blogroll, partly because she is just like us (fabulous but really freaking tired) and partly because she uses my all time favorite acronym. Check her out to see just exactly was PIMMAL stands for...

Stilettos and Ponytails...

MWAH for now. Not sure if I'll post again today, it's not looking good since it's already 3:36pm...

Plethora

A hodgepodge of thoughts for all my loyal readers;

***Britney is NOT fat. She IS medicated/stupid/immature/sleepy/stressed/drunk. Can we please all shut up about it? Here she is pre-kids when she WAS a kid and now. Different body, yes. Fat? puuuuuh-lease. Also, are any of you getting the memo on the fake tan? Looks like dookie. Pale is the new tan. ***

1. Do NOT wear 3 inch heels to the baseball field to drop off the minis. You will stumble in the warning track by the back fence and dozens of cute college boys will see you. They will not, however, laugh. Why not? Because Coach will run them until they throw up for teasing his wife. OK, Coach will NOT run them, he thinks that's ridiculous. He actually would probably laugh too, but I'm just guessing.



2. Elizabeth aka "Miss Bizabeth's" hubby is a STUD. Check out what he did on his vacation...



3. I have cancelled my hair appointment 4 times in the last 6 weeks to accommodate clients. I look like the Coal Miner's Daughter (which is CLEARLY the karaoke song of the day) and it's freaking me out. I can go months and months without cutting the mane, but when it gets too long, it's about a 3 minute window to disaster. I can always tell it needs a trim when checker-outters at SuperTarget stop asking me what shampoo I use. (wanna know? ask me!) I have a new appointment for Thursday which is a good thing, because Bridezilla (see previous post) will have angina if she sees it like this on Friday. And, yes, she does read the blog and knows she's a pain in the tailpipe. She never misses a hair appointment though...maybe I should have stayed in HR.

That about sums up the last 36 hours. Took J to feed the ducks after school and then took both boys to the park after R got out. I need to pack and get everything ready for the weekend...I am staying at Bridezilla's (hee hee hee, are you still laughing M?) parents home on Friday and need to get a hostess gift. Not sure what though, my usual ideas won't work. Mom is an artist and her home is totally Southern Living...needs to be something fab...I was thinking maybe of putting together a basket of food-y stuff that they can nosh on Sunday after everyone heads out or maybe some wine.

Have a baby, win a prize?

Um, wow. Not sure exactly what to say about this...

http://www.comcast.net/news/international/europe/index.jsp?cat=EUROPE&fn=/2007/09/11/760582.html&cvqh=itn_russiababies

Going to the Chapel

One of my close friends from CLEMSON is getting married this weekend after dating her rather hot boyfriend for approximately one million years- about time! I am headed to Hilton Head at 5am on Friday for the weekend of festivities ALONE!! Her ceremony is on a golf course and it's all beach-themed, too cute.

Coach is staying here with the minis and I think is stressing internally about it. I haven't really had the opportunity to break it down for him that I expect collared shirts, plaid shorts and fixed hair the entire weekend for the boys in addition to a clean house when I return. But now that he's going to read this, I guess he'll figure it out...sorry, pal. Welcome to my life.

The reception is going to be here. I have to say that the Bride was one of my bridesmaids and was CUT OFF AT THE BAR at my reception, which is damn near impossible at a private country club. She also pitched a holy fit about wearing the lipstick I bought her and spilled RANCH dressing on her dress 30 seconds before the pre-ceremony photos at my parents' house.

On the flip side, she arrived on Wednesday before the wedding and was at my beck and call and was darling at all of the preparties and brunches. (OK I think she was trying to hook up with a groomsman, but hey, whatever). Needless to say we have a long history from the day I met her at a Rush party and we bonded over stories of our European travels. Of course, I may have cemented the bond when I called her parents by their first names the first time I met them...her mom about fell over and died right there. Or maybe our friendship was truly meant to be forever when one of us (read:me) mooned the other one (read:her) in a grocery store....don't ask, I am not sharing any more details. Perhaps it was when my hubby and I took her to an adult store on her 21st birthday and she almost hyperventilated from embarrassment. Who knows what really solidifies a friendship like ours? hee hee hee

Can't wait to see her in her bee-utiful dress and showing off her new dance moves in her silver slippers. Can't wait to see her mom watch her walk down the aisle on her Daddy's arm. Can't wait to see her and her new Hubby head off on their Honeymoon.

But most of all, can't wait until she gets old, chubby and crabby like the rest of us old married ladies and pops out a few kids. Then, we'll REALLY be friends...

Love you my friend and my sister!!!

Twice is a Charm?

Posting this workout again for those of you who emailed me about it. Plus, if I put it back up I might get motivated to start it again.

As a reminder, Coach recommended this one for my cutie mom and me, and it looks rather simple. It will, however knock the living shi-ot out of you, no matter how jacked up you are. Also, there are pictures of very, very hot girls, so unless you have a penchant for hubby looking at other girls, don't let him click the link. (if you DO the workout, you'll be so hot he won't HAVE to look at anyone else...)

forewarned is forearmed

Took the minis to see this today at Phillips Arena. It was unbelievable and completely worth the one million dollars for the 4 tickets.

Busy night tonight, I'm working all day Sunday so I need to prep for the week. Don't miss me too much.

MWAH!

Letter to a Hooters Girl

Dear 23 year old Kyla Ebbert,

Wow. You do have a great body. Really and truly, an amazing figure. I do however, have a few suggestions for you which will prevent you from being publicly harrassed and from being removed from an airline flight. (The ONLY acceptable reason to be asked to move from your airplane seat is when they upgrade you to First Class, which in your outfit is NOT likely). Because to be in First Class, you must exhibit some. Class that is.

Your clothes are cheap. And when I say cheap, I mean cheap material as well as cheap as in "you look like a hooker". Your sweater is ridiculous looking. The frayed look on that bottom of what I dare call a "skirt" is very 1984. In fact, you really should give Bret Michaels a call, he's looking for a nasty girl on "Rock of Love".

You're not that cute. Your hair has evidentally been colored by Donald Duck. I don't need you to deliniate your neck so much with an orang-y makeup line. It's really in poor taste. And wipe that freaking smirk off your face, you look like OJ when he tried the glove on.

But, hey, I am not really writing this to address the way you look. I really could give a rat's tail if you want to look like a skank. My real concern is for your health.

With a "skirt" that short, your coochie is going to be touching the fabric seat on the plane and every other DE-sgusting chair you sit in on your journey. I am guessing you're not sporting any SPANX under there, and any panties you do have on are probably pretty thin (read: crotchless) and all those cooties and germs are getting up in there. I just threw up in my mouth thinking about it.

So, Kyla, keep it up in the gym. Keep posting the hot photos of yourself on your MySpace page (yeah, I saw those, too). But for the love of all that's holy (and "holey") cover your business up, stuff is gonna crawl in there!

In loving and total grossed out-ness,

clemsongirl

...and no, I did not randomly give her that Hooters nickname, Sugar Pants here actually works there...I doubt this would all be so damn hilarious if she was a CPA...

You don't pull on Superman's Cape

You don't spit into the wind

You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger

and you don't mess around with "Clem"

Have I mentioned that one of my children's first sentences was:

We. Hate. Florida. State.

We. Hate. Florida. State.

Bowden Bowl 2007: Tigers 24, Stinky Seminoles, 18

Slid-y Things

OK, so we did indeed head to our first potential Cub Scouts meeting on Tuesday night. I had reservations about it before the meeting for several reasons; it costs about one million dollars to be a Cub Scout ($70.00 for the uniform alone!), it meets about every damn week (not at a reasonable time, but at 7pm- hello?! bedtime?!), and it's a little um, nerdy. Now I am not opposed to nerdy by any stretch, and I think an Eagle Scout is some hot stuff, but is it neccessary to wear a "neckerchief" and knee socks to do this? I think not.

I was a Brownie and a Girl Scout and Coach was a Cub Scout, Webelo and then a Boy Scout. His nickname is "Cubby" for that very reason. So it's not that we don't understand the whole "scouting" thing, it's just that it's changed. We used to meet after school or at some mom's house for an hour a week. (My troop leader wore the sparkliest green eye shadow that matched our uniforms, how cool was that?)

So I arrive at the meeting, with my yoga pants, Titlelist hat, flip flops and a Starbucks (duh) feeling like I have chosen very appropriate clothing for a Cub Scout meeting. Oops. I. WAS. SO. WRONG. One of the mom's who was there (has 4 boys of different ages, whose names RHYME, which is soooo wrong) is wearing the ENTIRE Cub Scout uniform from head to hiking boots. Yep, the bucket type hat with the stringy thing under the chin, polyester shirt with 84,000 patches sewn lovingly on it, khaki CARGO shorts to the knee, a belt covered with metal slid-y things (badges or some such atrocity) and brown knee socks. Are you kidding me? I suppose I don't have to tell you that not only was this her personal decision to sport this get up, but she was soooo proud of it. I also need not mention that she was NOT cutie pie outdoorsy mom with her sassy self all tucked into this outfit and a long ponytail. Nope, not so much. I am certain that they were men's shorts, and she was squeezed into them. I am sure she participated in the activities required to earn the slid-y things, but does an adult really need the slid-y thing to show that she learned how to tie square knots? Duh, I lived through the early 90's and if you didn't know how to tie a square knot your little jaunty plaid scarves just didn't lay right. I didn't get a slid-y thing for that, I got a boyfriend for being so damn cute. Duh.

Last, but not least, the major reason we are possibly not continuing with Scouts is that they do something that goes against all I believe in. Every fiber of my carbon based being tells me NOT to engage in this particular activity. My parents raised me to NEVER do this....I have declined many many oppoortunities to do this and encourage others to just say no also....

they camp...alot...

and really, isn't living in my current neighborhood "roughing it' enough?