Things I Restrained Myself From Buying Today...

Bed Head Dual Waver. Clearly after you straighten your hair, you need to add waves, duh.

Pink Scoop Neck Sweater from Old Navy...see green cami for underneath

Brown Isaac Mizrahi Boots

Brown Patent Mary Janes need no explanation. It's just right.

Chocolate Merona canvas trench. Gotta look cute in the rain!

Brown Merona Print Wrap Dress

Burberry Brit, actually I need this, I am almost out...

Green layering cami for under the sweet pink sweater.

A Clemson toothbrush. It's dental health, right?

New Clemson flag for the playset. All the visiting children need to be clear whose playset they are on don't they? This will leave no room for confusion.

Blue wrap dress, but it's for work...

Dark red maryjane heels, super sweet.

Pointy toe sling back red flats. Delicious. From Old Navy, so basically free.

Also from Old Navy a cozy purple hoodie with "boob" buttons.

I need all new undies from VS. Body by Victoria.

Holy Cow. The coolest $24.99 oxblood mary janes ever. Truly, ever.



Instead, I bought groceries...but a girl can dream...and post...

6 Gamecocks and 1 Tiger

Every once in a while, Clemson and Carolina have something in common. Today, it's tragedy.

There are no words.

Pumpkintini and a Shut-up Game

Pumpkintini
1 graham cracker, crushed into fine crumbs
Ice cubes
1 1/2 ounces rum (3 tablespoons)
3 tablespoons pumpkin pie filling
1/2 ounce Sortilège Maple liqueur (1 tablespoon)
1/2 ounce half-and-half (1 tablespoon)

Place the graham cracker crumbs on a small plate. Wet the rim of a chilled martini glass and dip into the crumbs to coat. In a cocktail shaker filled with ice, combine the rum, pumpkin pie filling, maple liqueur and half-and-half. Shake, then strain into the martini glass.


This is the yummiest drink! I made these last year at Thanksgiving and everyone was snubbing their noses at them. Then they all tried them and agreed that they were De-lious! I added a bit more half and half and substituted Caramel Liquor for the Sortilege. The Sortilege was impossible to find, in Atlanta or Chicago. The graham cracker crumb rimmed glass was the key to making it all fancy-fied.


And for the children, a pumpkin carving on-line game that I promise will shut them up long enough for you to make the Pumpkintini and drink at least 2!

http://www.cubpack81.com/images/carve_pumpkin.swf

Oh, and hello to Tiger Tim...nice to have you stopping by. Go Tigers!

Boots for Happy Housewife

In light of my other post today, I may have infuriated several of my readers that are indeed, Gamecocks. Sorry pals, but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Anyway, I promised Happy Housewife I'd scout out some boots for her. I went ultra-cheap, because we can all find the pricey ones. Head to Nordstroms, grab and seat and Carlos will bring them right to you.

For the realists out there, here are some options for the Fall boot for skirts and dresses. Happy Housewife was hoping for a low heel, I would go much higher for work. Click on the photo for the details. Target and Payless, online and in stores.

Off to work, wish me luck today!

MWAH!

Shaky Real Estate Markets and Cocks Make me Sneeze...

Something terrible happened today. Something so disturbing that it may cloud the rest of my weekend...

To say that I am a "regular" at my metro Atlanta Starbucks would be a gross understatement. To say that my personal consumption there might possibly pay the entire electric bill for the store would be more correct. Literally it's ridiculous. A mom said to me last night at the spaghetti dinner (or the "Spaghetti Dinner Down Below" as I am referring to it) that she's never seen me without a Starbucks cup. Duh, that's like leaving the house with no lipgloss. Can you do it? Sure. Should you do it? Not if you can help it.

So, each and every day (or more than once a day) I order my beverage of choice, Venti Skim Chai Latte, extra hot. (because, and let's be honest, I AM extra hot, so my drink should be, too.) Lately, well, we've been feeling a little financial pinch (read: death grip) at the Casa de Chaos. So, in order to ensure that we can pay our OWN electric bill, I switched my beloved beverage to a Venti Calm Tea. Bringing the total from over $4 to $1.85. Brings new meaning to the word, "economizing".

Now, allow me to go off on a slight tangent. For those of you who are really reading this, not just skimming it, you noticed that I switched to a CALM tea. Thinketh not that I am attempting to cut back on my caffeine intake (blasphemy!) or that I need to CALM down. None of the above, I am going straight for taste. The Calm tea has hints of yummy-ness all through it, and a bunch a flavors that just make me happy, thus the choice. I did try Awake tea, but it well, made me want to PIMMAL so that was out.

Anyway, back to the terrible thing that happened. I ordered my tea, picked it up at the beverage bar (it says SuperMom on the cup, duh) and turned around to add my skim milk and sweetener. Well, just about that time, not one, not two but THREE very, very yucky people came in the door wearing...brace yourselves...GAMECOCK sweatshirts. That really made me PIMMAL, and we all know how I feel about those Cocks. Makes me shudder to think that they were even in MY Starbucks.

So, incredibly nauseated and disgusted by their presence, I made my huge error. I poured WHOLE milk into my tea. Now, this creates problems on a multitude of levels. Firstly, too many calories and fat. Secondly, I am allergic to whole milk and it makes me sneeze 84,000 times. Thirdly, it's G-ross and ruins the yummy-ness of the Calm tea and makes it all creamy and foul.

What's a girl to do? My options as I saw them at that point were minimal. Throw the tea out and try not to cry. Order another tea and shell out the $1.85 again (which would monetarily defeat the purpose of breaking up with my beloved chai latte), or drink the God-awful tea with the nasty-fied whole milk and sneeze my fool head off.

So, if you were wondering who that crazy lady was in SuperTarget this morning with tears in her eyes and sneezing a indeterminable number of times, it was me. And yes, I blame the Cocks.

Bolognese below the Mason-Dixon

I TOLD you I would change my clothes! Have some faith girls! (and Clay- what's up my new favorite reader hot hubby of N!!) Shoes and pants are from el-Target and hoodie from JCrew. Day 3 of the hair cycle if you're wondering.

Tonight's spaghetti dinner at Jack's preschool was exactly what you'd expect. 300 people going through the church kitchen getting a plate of short cut pasta and sauce, bagged salad and a roll.

Dessert table and drink table off to the side. Perfectly lovely event with cute red and white checkered table cloths and a silent auction as a fundraiser. Because my $84,000 tuition isn't quite enough to pay for the play-doh and playground sand? I digress...

My born-and-raised-in-the-South children being raised by thier not so Southern (and Italian) parents were baffled on many levels tonight and I almost wet my pants laughing. Here are the observations of my four and six year old boys:

1. Why is everyone calling these "noodles?" They are not "noodles" they are penne pasta. Or penne rigate if you ask my first grader.

2. When asked if he wanted sauce, why did the teacher look at him funny when Ryan said, "No, I don't like bolognese. Some marinara on the side if you have it." She responded with "We have meat and no meat." He looked at me and I shrugged, he said "OK, I'll have the marinara, on the side then."

3. Why was there sweet tea to drink with the "noodles" and no wine? Jack was really stumped by this. He asked me if I brought my own. Oops, it's a Methodist preschool, not our Catholic church, so no wine! I did however have my chai latte from Starbucks. Duh.

4. Does pineapple upside down cake really "go" with pasta? Why wasn't there any gelato?

5. What are these purple things in the salad? Why isn't there any olive oil to dip the bread in?

They were playing Moon River, so I guess that's the redemption then.

But for the grace of God go you...

It's currently 10:02 am and I have not left my bedroom as of yet today. Got up a little after 9:30 (thanks to Coach for dealing with the minis and school and the crap this morning) I needed some real sleep. In fact, I went to bed before 9 last night. I feel so much better, I was starting to look like a meth addict, save for the fact that I have all my teeth. And no cavities, ever. Oh, and I am not super skinny (read: not skinny at all) like a meth addict. Or stupid. Or doing a guy named "Hoyt" who has a mullet. But my skin was a little sallow and my eyes were red, thus the similarities...how bout that visual? Hair was still shiny though.

I was supposed to go to a city business association meeting but my fellow PTA cronie (shout out to N) and I decided to let that be handled by someone else today. Jack doesn't have lunch bunch today so I have to pick him up a 12 anyway, so it would have been a musical chairs game. We have the Spaghetti Dinner at his preschool tonight so I promise to change before that...maybe.

This is the outfit of the day, except my Shox are several seasons old and the all pink ones aren't online anymore. My Dad got them for me for Christmas a few years ago and they make occasional appearances outside of the YMCA. They do get a lot of comments, but I'm never sure if that's good or bad. Not that I freaking care, I love all trainers. Seriously, I really am a black professional athlete or rapper at heart. You know those episodes of Cribs where the closet is fell of 84,000 pairs of trainers, all basically brand new? That would so be me if we had cash flow of a pro athlete/rapper. Of course, I probably would not have my own name on my license plate done in gold chain, but at least I'd be on Cribs. I need to take some photos of my house and closet contents and do a post version of Cribs...how funny would that be?

Off to brush (all) my (cavity-free) teeth and get a latte. You?

A (clemson)Girl of my Word...

As promised, here's today's outfit. I am headed to a county school council meeting and then a listing appointment this afternoon. How cute is that necklace? Big, fat yellow beads from...Target! Hoo hoo!

Last night, I was dog-arse tired (can't imagine why) and didn't lay out the boys' clothes before bed. As you are well aware, I have a fairly strict clothing policy with them for school that mainly involves a collar every day except Friday. Look, we teach what we know. My Parents (there's that superfluous capitalization again) were pretty hard core about what my brother and I wore, and we turned out freaking fabulous. So, I drank the Kool-aid and passed the obsessive clothing regulations down to the boys. Could be worse.

Well, it's cold and rainy today and I said to myself, "Self, go easy on the minis today. Just because you have to get all fancy-fied, they could go comfy just this once to school." So, being the world's nicest mommy, I chose navy blue Nike track pants and new long sleeve white shirts for the boys.

Coach got them showered and dressed (damn, right). When he handed Ryan his clothes, Ryan looked at them and cocked his little head to the side. Coach asked him what he was thinking and Ryan said, "I'm going to look like Mama pulled my clothes out the dirty clothes pile."

Hilarious.

I guess you can lead a horse to water, and according to this morning's comments, you can even make them drink it.

Popcorn and Plumber's Crack...

Yeah. It's 4:37 in the afternoon, dark and rainy. The minis just had dinner and a bath. I am "letting" them stay up a little longer to color and they are hitting the hay at 5:15. And then Clemsongirl is hitting the bottle. I am not kidding. Quit your judging, I see the glass in your hand and that ain't no mineral water.

Today began with the most ridiculous arguing from both boys during school prep. I was unaware of this, but evidentally it is absolutely appalling for me to request that they:


1. dry off from the shower
2. get dressed WITHOUT rolling eyes at me
3. put on the shoes I picked out (the olive green trainers were purchased specifically for the olive green Gymboree pants. Put them on damnit. Now. Shoes really make the preschool outfit. Any damn mom can buy the cute outfit, it's the SHOES that show you really care.)
4. eat the breakfast of your choosing

The 2 of them are members of the country's youngest, smallest and most annoying labor union and they operate on a very limited schedule. As in "whenever they feel like it." Terds.

Work was fine. Got a snarky email from a client, who apologized profusely when he realized (read: I freaking proved to him) that he was wrong. Really, folks. You're a cardiologist? Super. Do. Your. Job. And let me do mine, alright? I actually am really good at it. Let me show you.

The mommy bus did not get a good cleaning this Sunday as a result of a last minute work thing, and it's really showing. There was a bowl of popcorn which magically upended itself unbeknownst to the minis (I call bullshi-ot) and they've been stepping on the pieces for 2 days. I need to vacuum it) but; #1 it's raining today and #2 I would have had plumber's crack if I'd done it in today's outfit. Which I need to post daily (the outfits, not the plumber's crack). I can't tell you how much mileage I get out of a pair of pants from Target that set me back a mere $22.99. It's amazing really.

Would ya Could ya?

Will you comment even if I have nothing to say? How about commenting on how much you love me? Clemsongirl needs a boost. Or maybe suggestions on what you'd like me to post about next?

Breaking News and a Visit from a Fairy...

Last night my Dad came into town on his way to the Beach House. I'm not really sure that "Dad, Beach and House" are supposed to be capitalized in that sentence, but they are surely proper nouns to me. There is something so definitive about those three words. All of them represent something so much bigger than the sum of their letters. That's a post for another day, I'm not feeling a bit sentimental right now. Maybe because I have not showered since Friday, anyhoo. I promise to bubble bath myself as soon as I post.

Granny sent via Papa's suitcase a couple of great books (Ryan is like me, read the entire Cam Jansen book today, couldn't put it down), a timer from Legoland and some cool Halloween flashlight projectors. She's up to her elbows in writing report cards in Chi-town, but we called her 84,000 times today.

The boys were thrilled to see my Dad, especially when Papa agreed to watch Bob the Builder with them, in the guest bed, until very, very late. Ryan's tooth fell out just before bed, so that led to much drama. The tooth fairy's wings were so large that they barely fit through the bedroom door and blue and white feathers were left behind as "evidence" in addition to one very wrinkled dollar bill. That was her second visit, the first occurring during Granny Camp this summer where she left behind much silver fairy dust and a gold dollar coin. Seems like she operates a bit better in a higher income zip code...

In breaking (and infinitely more exciting), I've adopted a new "do" for day 3 of the hair cycle. The cycle, for those of you who are unclear, is as follows:

Day 1: Hair is washed and blow dried. Straightened and velcro fat rollers. No product. Down, shiny, fabulous.

Day 2: Hair is not washed. Touched up with straightener if needed. Upside down head, hairspray. Velcro rollers. Down, shiny, almost fabulous.

Day 3: and this is where it gets exciting. Previously was a ponytail/ball cap and will be many day 3's to come. However, the messy almost all the way pulled through ponytail/bun combo looks super cute with an black skinny headband. (yes you b's that is the technical term they use at the salon, who are you, Mrs. Nick Arrojo?) Do you have a visual? Very Izzy Stevens, just brunette.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Quicherbitchin'

TGIF. Or not, since Coach is gone all weekend (I know, I know you're tired of hearing that. Join the club) and it's really a zone defense with me and the minis until Sunday. It's currently 6:47 pm and they are both in bed, Jack is asleep and Ryan is reading one last book. I am d-o-n-e.

They are making me (more) nuts-o today. Can't get along to save their lives. Which was one of my threats into the back of the minivan, as in, "GET ALONG BEFORE I KILL YOU". Total ridiculous clammering over stuff neither of them cares about and hitting and kicking and whining and yelling and pushing and shoving and pinching and Oh. My. God. STOP already.

I went here for lunch with a friend and ate fried green tomato sandwiches. Which was one of the most delicious things ever created. So yummy on dark bread with some mysterious sauce and a cup of crab soup. We had spent the morning at Mistletoe Market and then picked up our respective children from preschool and elementary school. (should have left them) Later, I took the minis to Super Target because I needed drugs (aka migraine meds from the pharmacist who KNOWS I am crazy) and the components of Ryan's robot costume. It's still in the works, but promises to be cute. Jack has decided on being a fireman so I actually (GASP) bought that costume, but really, I'm not gonna make that thing about of Kevlar, right?

Possibly more later, but I'm non-commital right now.

Go Ahead and Judge Me...

OMG.

OMG.

OMG.

As a member of this Italian family, I felt compelled to comment previously on the wrong-ness of Deep Fried Lasagna. As an Atlantan, I feel compelled to comment on what must be the sheer deliciousness of this:

FRIED COCA-COLA!

OMG.

OMG.

OMG.

"Fried Coke is a new American snack created in 2006. It consists of balls of batter mixed with Coca-Cola syrup, which are fried and then topped with more Coca-Cola syrup, whipped cream, cinnamon sugar, and a cherry. Fried Coke is estimated to have 830 calories."

I personally don't give a rat's patoot if it has 84,000 calories, I will try it.

I will try it and love it and marry it. Oh, I guess that blows yesterday's post out of the water. I forgot I was already married to Coach. Whatever, I'll convert to whatever religion where you have more than one husband. Shit. I think that's more than one wife. OK, so Fried Coke can be my wife. Whatever it takes, I'm going to the mats on this one.

Karaoke Song of the Day:

I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke

I'd like to buy the world a home and furnish it with love,
Grow apple trees and honey bees, and snow white turtle doves.
I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony,
I'd like to buy the world a Coke and keep it company.
[Repeat the last two lines, and in the background:]
It's the real thing, Coke is what the world wants today.

I Heart My Husband, part deux

Alright you nosy B's, here's the backstory to yesterday's post. Or, at least how I am going to spin it for you. My Granny reads this you know!

Marriage is hard. Life is hard. Shit happens. Kids are sick. You're sick and tired, there's always too much month at the end of the money. Work is long, hard and often unrewarding. You're not getting any younger. Stuff is not free. Responsiblity is overrated. But you knew all that, right?

Stir that all up in a pot and throw some stress and some exhaustion, and you're going to have some, shall we say, "communication" issues. Let them fester, and you all know where that's headed, just ask 50% of the people you know who "used to be married". Well, Coach and I refuse to ignore all that.

We had such a great talk the other night, and it's so easy to see how you're thinking one thing, he's thinking another and neither one of you is getting what you really need and want. But talk it out and you'll discover one of 2 things. Your hubby is an ass and you need to high-tail it out of there before you get any older and uglier, or you'll discover what I did...which is much, much better.

Coach and I love eachother. We are both driving this "train" we call our family in the same direction. Yeah, we're often on different tracks, going at different speeds, but the end station is the same. So, check in with your other engineer. Are you headed to the same destination? How about your routes? Are they similar? Does he need some of your coal, or do you need some of his? Maybe one of you needs a tow. Whatever. Just talk about it.

So, I love Coach. We're going to get to that damn station if it kills us. And hopefully, since we're communicating, we'll see some great scenery along the way.

Karaoke Song of the Day:

If I Should Fall Behind, by Bruce Springsteen

We said we'd walk together

baby come what may

That come the twilight

should we lose our way

If as we're walkin a hand should slip free

I'll wait for you

And should I fall behind

Wait for me

We swore we'd travel darlin' side by side

We'd help each other stay in stride

But each lover's steps fall so differently

But I'll wait for you

And if I should fall behind

Wait for me

Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true

But you and I know what this world can do

So let's make our steps clear that the other may see

And I'll wait for you

If I should fall behind

Wait for me

Now there's a beautiful river in the valley ahead

There 'neath the oak's bough soon we will be wed

Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees

I'll wait for you

And should I fall behind

Wait for me

Darlin' I'll wait for you

Should I fall behind

Wait for me

and that's all I'm saying 'bout that

I've lost my funny...

The weekend was good, took the minis to a Fall Festival (see photos below) and there were 84,000 firetrucks there, so that was a major plus. Got a snack here (Paula Deen's cousin) and the boys headed to work with me for what turned out to be the longest contract session in my life. Which is 32 years, if you're counting. And it'll be a real quick turn around on getting paid, since the house will be done in March of 2008. Are you SERIOUS? I swear they are the world's slowest builders. Whatever, it'll be happy 33rd to me that week.

Holy crap. I am going to be 33 next year. That is both unbelievable and appalling. I digress.

Sunday Ryan had PSR, or what we used to call CCD and you Baptists call Sunday school. Jack and I cleaned out the van, (duh, it was Sunday of course we did) and then headed home for a bit. Went to a cookout at another coach's house and no lie there were 7 coaches and their wives. 4 of them were pregnant. Guess it really is the off-season! hee hee I was not one of the pregnant ones. I was the one chugging a beer behind the house. Or was I?

There are 2 types of coach's wives in case you were wondering. I have no idea if this theory holds true in professional coaching, but certainly is true at every university we've ever been at. Which is also close to 84,000 if you're counting.

Wife type #1: was a college athlete, perhaps even played pro sports for sometime. Is easygoing, low maintenance and actually gives a crap about her hubby's job and the specifics of athletics. Such as; who won the game, what team they were playing, team stats...etc.

Wife Type #2: not so much athletic. More like a sorority girl. Way cute, super high maintenance and couldn't give LESS of a crap about the specifics of said hubby's job. As in, other than uniform color and style, could tell you NOTHING about the game. Who won? No freaking idea, but the other team's uniforms were way cute. Loved the stripes.

The betting window is open. Care to place a wager as to which type I am?

Your odds are good, real good.

Not one bit funny...

A Fairy Tale...

What literary treat can I tempt you with today? Let me see...

Once upon a time there was a girl with shiny dark hair that hung in the most perfectly curved ponytail. Her nails? Perfectly manicured. Her skin? Flawless. Makeup painstakingly applied to be the ideal balance of natural, yet dewy. Clothing? Clean, well-pressed and current. Almost always from Ann Taylor, the girl's "mother ship".

One day, the girl ventured into the dark and haunted forest and met a boy. Boy really liked the girl and decided to marry her. Girl started to relax the upkeep on her cuteself, I mean, she had the boy, yes?

Then, after an evil turn of events, the boy and the girl were lured deeper into the woods where they discovered CHILDREN. Then, 2 children later, the girl was tired. Never had enough time and money for herself. Hair? Still often in that ponytail, but not nearly as shiny or curved. Frequently, the girl wore a ball cap. Her nails? Short, clear polish sometimes, mostly broken. Her skin? Aye. Clear most of the time, but the girl's forehead started to get deep lines in it from stress and constant pressures of life. Makeup was an afterthought unless girl was with clients. In fact, girl could not even find her eyeliner this morning. Probably the children took and and hid it deep in that forest that they drug her into.

Clothing? Well, still pretty darn cute, just not as well pressed or current. Usually from Target. Girl started to resemble the witch from Snow White. Not really so green, but equally pissed off at Snow White for being so pretty. Also, girl wasn't so hunched over, but their hair looked the same. That is if the witch bothered with a ponytail.

Finally, the girl decided she needed some magic, so she wished and wished for a Fairy Godmother to come and make her pretty again. Nothing happened, so the girl wished again. Nada. She clicked her heels together 3 times. Neinte. She begged. Zippo. She cried. Zilch.

That Fairy Godmother really sucks.

What a girl wants

A picture says 1000 words? Nah, just 12 here, but they are GOLDEN. And so very true. I really could care less about the power part, but the more $ and the less shit? Sure. Sign me up.

I clearly am harboring some anger issues. Today, a caller ID came on my cell that was an 800 number. I snidely answered it, "WHAT!? Whatever you're selling, I am NOT buying!" Well, I probably could have saved my breath, it was just an automated call from my Home Warranty company checking to see if my A/C was fixed to my satisfaction. Which it is. Which is SUPER, since it's 60 degrees now. Perfect timing... Oops.

Of course, much of my anxiety/stress/nueroses/overwhelmy-ness I can't control. I certainly can't prevent one of my clients from moving to JAPAN in the middle of a deal and then having to explain why his documents are dated TOMORROW. Well, with the 25 hour time change, things are getting a bit dicey. If this damn thing actually closes and I get my tiny little check, I'll eat this post.

We finished swimming lessons yesterday, praise God. Twice a week fighting the whole shower/family locker room fandango was wearing on me. Plus, some mo-ron had on a Carolina tee shirt that said "I Hate Orange." Now, I don't know about you, but that's just not something I want to expose my children to. I mean only freaks and geeks hate Clemson, right? (hold the comments Kricket, I am NOT in a good place...hee hee)

I did have a little something to smile over today, since it was 54 glorious Autumnal degrees when I headed to the office this morning, I was able to justify wearing some tall black boots with my black and white wrap dress. You know how even fat looks better when it's tan? Well calves look better in black boots. It's a fact, I don't make this stuff up people. I get extra foam in my chai when I wear them to Starbucks, so if that's not anecdotal evidence, I am the tooth fairy. Oh, wait... I AM the tooth fairy. But that's beside the point.

Well, tonight has much in store; making lunches (not fab Bento boxes like Ashley), laundry (um, I had to bust out the "Honeymoon" underwear today, time to wash some of the more, ahem, appropriate pairs) and of course, Grey's. At least there's that.

I am being such a baby today, I'm acting like I went to school at:

(insert: uproarious laughter)

45 days and counting

Clemson v. S. Carolina

My Boyfriend Can Beat Up Your Boyfriend

MAN TAG from Miss Bizabeth aka The Hazletts:

1. Who is your man?
Toby Keith. I mean Coach.

2. How long have you been married?
Since Florida belonged to Spain...oh wait, I meant 1999, not 1899

3. How long dated?

Dated 8 months, engaged 14 months more

4. How old is your man?

Going to be 40 in about five minutes

5. Who eats more?

Yeah, I am so going to say Coach. That's most likely a big fat lie. But General Krottendorfer may have something to do with that this week...

6. Who said "I love you" first?

I have no idea.

7. Who is taller?

Coach

8. Who sings better?

I've never heard Coach sing. Ever.

9. Who is smarter?

You're joking, right?

10. Whose temper is worse?

SOOOOO Coach's! Although my daily bitchiness tends to cancel out his annual temper-fest.

11. Who does the laundry?

I'm sorry, is this a trick question? Can people with penises operate a washing machine?

12. Who takes out the garbage?

Whoever is home on Tuesday night. Oh, I just realized why Coach ALWAYS has to work late on Tuesdays...isn't that a happy coincidence for him...

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?

Me, it's closer to the Jim Beam

14. Who pays the bills?

Me, but rarely in full...

15. Who is better with the computer?

Hello-o? This is MY blog you're reading, right?

16. Who mows the lawn?

I'd say since I had our youngest, it's about 50/50. Something about having 2 c-sections made the lawn mower seem less intimidating...and the edger, the electric trimmer, the weedwacker...

17. Who cooks dinner?

Not our live-in chef, that's for damn sure.

18. Who drives when you are together?

Out? Together? Huh?

19. Who pays when you go out?

Refer to #18

20. Who is most stubborn?

Coach. Multiplied by 84,000

21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?

Well that'd be me, since Coach has never actually been wrong... hee hee

22. Whose parents do you see the most?

Mine; they rock (HI MOM!!)

23. Who kissed who first?

Coach kissed me on the forehead.

24. Who asked who out?

Did you say asked out or STALKED? That'd be Coach. I was sooo hot he couldn't help himself.

25. Who proposed?

I am independent, not retarded. Coach.

26. Who is more sensitive?

I'm more sensitive to getting my feelings hurt.

27. Who has more friends?

Big fat DUH. That would be, MOI!

28. Who has more siblings?

I have a younger (fabulous) brother, Coach is an only child...clearly.

29. Who wears the pants in the family?

You're kidding, right?

And now I TAG: ha ha suckers!

Ashley's Closet
Barely Keeping it all Together
Caffeine Court
From Russia with Love (Katie!)
Green Magsterpie
Happy Housewife
Southern Mommy of 3
Stilettos and Ponytails
The Bee Hive
The Tarnished Tiara

Le Pont d'Argenteuil

Admittedly, Monet's piece, "Le Pont d'Argenteuil," isn't my favorite, but I respect it none the less.

So to read that a someone punched a hole in it is a bit disturbing. What's really interesting is that it happened during an "all night festival" which brings people off the streets for concerts and art exhibits. Because we all know how you can get that middle of the night craving for some Impressionism and run over the the Musée d'Orsay? WTF?

I've spent time in Paris and I am guessing this isn't a huge shock to anyone who's been there. People act stupid at 3am...ever been to Clemson on a Friday night when TDs shuts down? Hell-ooo?!

Thoughts?

Dispensation

Dispensation (Latin dispensatio)

Dispensation is an act whereby in a particular case a lawful superior grants relaxation from an existing rule.

As a Good (kinda) Catholic girl, I have the power (not) to give you dispensation from any rule I feel like. And I feel like you need to break this rule. Following are the 8 fattest foods for Fall as listed on http://www.msn.com/ . I think most of them are freaking delish and you should eat them all, at least once before December.

So, pass Go. Collect $200.00. Enjoy!

1. Halloween candy With all the bowls and bags of bite-size treats around the house, it's all too tempting to steal a few. But those tiny chocolate bars are more of a trick than a treat. Eat just four "bite size" bars and you're up to 320 calories. Twenty pieces of candy corn will cost you 100 calories, and just 25 jelly beans add up to 140 calories. WHATEVER. YOU HAVE TO DRAG YOUR CHILDREN ALL OVER THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND MAKE THEIR COSTUMES AND IT'S A LOT OF DAMN WORK. EAT THE HERSHEY BARS.

2. Mashed potatoes They are the quintessential comfort food for fall. But watch out before taking seconds: weighed down with milk and butter, mashed potatoes usually have about 200 calories in a half-cup serving. LOOK, CONSIDER THIS SUPPORTING THE IDAHO POTATO FARMER. EAT THEM AD NASEUM AND CALL IT CHARITY.

3. Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte Starbucks drinks are notoriously high in calories, and their autumn special is no exception. The Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte weighs in at 510 calories and 20 grams of fat. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. WHO ACTUALLY ORDERS A FULL-FAT LATTE? OH, COACH DOES. BUT HE HAS A HOT BODY AND CAN EAT 9000 CALORIES A DAY. ORDER THIS BADBOY WITH FAT FREE MILK AND GET OVER IT. THE ALMOND BARS ARE GOOD, TOO...OR SO I HEARD.

4. Apple pie A Thanksgiving dinner is never complete without a slice of apple pie. But with more than 400 calories and 20 grams of fat, this might be one dessert you shouldn't be saving room for. Add a scoop of ice cream (who doesn't?) and you're up to 530 calories. It might just be enough to last you until next fall. I'M SORRY, WE ARE AWARE THAT THIS IS FILLED WITH FRUIT, RIGHT? PUH-LEASE. EVEN MY 6 YEAR OLD KNOWS YOU NEED 5 A DAY!

5. Cider Who doesn't love a cup of warm cider? You might not want to skip this traditional treat altogether, but with a sugar-laden 200 calories in 16 ounces, the sweet drink should probably be considered a dessert substitute rather than a beverage. AGAIN, IT'S FRUIT. WITH ANTIOXIDANTS. PLUS, YOU MAY GET FROSTBITE IF YOU DON'T HOLD THIS STEAMING HOT CUP IN YOUR LITTLE PAWS.

6. Stuffing At 358 calories and 18 grams of fat per cup, there's a reason they call it stuffing. The high-carb turkey companion may be appearing on lots of menus this fall, not to mention its starring role on Thanksgiving Day, but take it easy if you're trying to keep the fall weight gain to a minimum. PRETEND YOU LIVE IN THE SOUTH LIKE ME AND CALL IT DRESSING. THEN YOU'RE NOT EVEN EATING STUFFING, YES?

7. Candy apple An apple alone is a pretty healthy fall fruit somewhere in the 60-100 calorie range. Coat it in caramel, however, and you have quite a different story. A large candy apple with caramel usually weighs in around 540 calories. Avoiding this autumn treat will be a boon for your dental bills and your figure. PUL-LEASE. IT'S FAT FREE WITH NO NUTS AND YOU HAVE DENTAL INSURANCE, RIGHT?

8. Turducken This combo wonderbird is a trendy entree you might want to forgo. It contains turkey, duck and chicken wrapped together for a new twist on the usual Thanksgiving meal. In terms of your diet, that twist may be for the worse: one serving of Turducken has 749 calories and 34.5 grams of fat. Try limiting yourself to one bird and skip the crispy skin. A three-ounce serving of skinless turkey has 130 calories. EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE THIS AT LEAST ONCE, JUST TO SAY IT AT THE OFFICE AND GET TO EXPLAIN IT. PLUS, IT'S CARB FREE SO IT'S ATKINS FRIENDLY.

Coolest Pumpkin Ever

Today is October 5, yes? I have literally NO IDEA what the children are going to be for Halloween. I'm not into them being Spidey or Buzz (although we totally were Buzz one year at R's insistance) or anything from the store. I really like to make the costumes.

One year I was a bunch of grapes, and that was pre-Family Fun magazine, so you know that my mom just kicked ass at costumes! My brother was a stoplight one year and a playing card the next. Seriously, that's just cool. Ryan was an iPod last year, which was really great and I've encouraged him to pick something this year to top that. Jack says he's wearing his Halloween pjs, and that very well may be the case. I don't really argue with 4 year olds anymore. Overrated, really.

Both the boys are having parties in their classrooms on the 31st, however neither of them can be "Halloween-y". Jack's preschool one is "Autumnal Harvest" and Ryan's first grade class is having "Fall Centers". Damn Methodists. Should have sent him to Catholic preschool, even the nuns dress up. Whatever. I am attempting to be ubermom and coordinate both the parties that day, from 9-10:45, then from 11-12. No worries, I'll just get on my broomstick and fly from one school to the other, it's only 10 miles...

So, weigh in on what your kiddos are going to be, maybe I'll copy your ideas I mean get some inspiration. Pretty please?

Only You...can prevent lunchbox fires

Last night I was making lunches for the boys and Coach feeling all proud of myself. All of the housework was done, laundry was well under control and dinner was in the oven. Children were asleep in bed (I fed them earlier, don't worry. Coach gets home at an ungodly late hour and he eats then) and I was enjoying the silence...





...and the yummy smell of the dishwasher running and the combination of chestnut, cranberry and cinnamon orange candles filling the kitchen with a delicious aroma. Then I smelled something like burning rubber. Not so delicious. I checked the dishwasher to see if something plastic had fallen on the heating element. Nope. Checked the oven to see if there was something burning in there. Nada. Simply delectable lasagna. Checked the clothes dryer. Niente.





Then I glanced to the kitchen counter and saw something up in flames...could that be what I think it is? Yep, sir. Sure was Ryan's lunchbox. Burning and flames approaching the overhead cabinets. Hmmm, dilemna. Do I attempt to save the contents of the lunch box which has fallen into the candle, or just deal with the fire? Duh. I already made a perfectly yummy lunch, so I used the tongs to remove the contents, then placed the inferno in the sink, where I adeptly put out the fire.





Coach came home and I told him laughingly what I had done. He didn't think it wa very funny (read: thinks I am RIDICULOUS) and was concerned about what Ryan would say come morning. Then he said this to me, and I really wonder if that SOB was joking...

"I'll just say to Ryan, hey, you know how we always say your mom is

a dumbass? Well, the retard lit your lunch box on fire. Sorry pal, I

didn't know all that when I picked her."

The Epitome of Navel Gazing...

100 Things About Me



I hate this damn post, but I've been tagged 84,000 times to do it, so here you go.



1. I shave my legs twice everyday, hip to ankle.

2. I drink Diet whateversonsale first thing in the morning.

3. I follow that up with approximately 8 more mixed in with my twice daily Starbucks.

4. I cried for days when I found out I was pregnant with boys, not girls.

5. I have wicked bad eyesight and wear contacts 24/7.

6. Coach has only seen me in my glasses 3 times in 11 years.

7. Coach laughs so hard when I wear them he about falls over.

8. I had no intentions of ever being a SAHM.

8. I was a SAHM for 7 years, now I work PT.

9. I have abolutely no idea what the rules are in football, nor do I care.

10. I sleep with a stuffed animal.

11. I will lie if you see it in my room, I'll tell you it belongs to the boys.

12. I was not even a little bit funny in college. Or nice for that matter.

13. Typos and misspelled words are hilarious to me. Unless they are my mistakes.

14. I talk to my closest girlfriends 12 times a day, they live all over the country.

15. I used to work at DisneyWorld.

16. I stole someone's order from Taco Bell at Disney on my lunch break b/c the tourists were pissing me off and I was tired of waiting.

17. I am impatient (see #16).

18. I curse like a sailor.

19. I could never do a cartwheel.

20. In 5th grade, I was disqualified from the State History Fair because the judges said my parents did the work.

21. My parents absolutely did NOT do the work, I was just that damn smart and creative.

21. I am very sarcastic.

22. I love to throw parties.

23. I think it's ridiculous when people don't handwrite thank you notes.

24. I can change a tire.

25. I go as long as I can between hairwashings. Takes forever to dry it.

26. I am allergic to whole milk, it makes me sneeze.

27. I adore my parents, who have been married for one million years.

28. I hate being hot, so it's great that I live in the South?!

29. I think swimming in the ocean is gross.

30. I live in GA, but have never eaten a fresh peach.

31. I eat dinner food for breakfast.

32. I have real anxiety issues.

33. I have a tremendous gag reflex and vomit at the smallest thing.

34. My feet have grown an entire size since before I had children.

35. I am very clumsy.

36. I have no patience for stupid people.

37. I thought Siamese twins were all from Siam.

38. I listen to talk radio.

39. I think having a TV in the bedroom is C-Razy.

40. I obsess about cleaning my car/van on Sundays.

41. I have worn the exact same lipstick and foundation since I was 15.

42. My house has 26 candles in it, which I light almost nightly.

43. My bed has 11 pillows on it.

44. I hate it when Coach uses my pillow, makes me PIMMAL.

45. I can't chew gum, it gives me a migraine.

46. I don't think ANYONE should chew gum, it's gross and tacky.

47. I have naturally curly hair that I straighten the crap out of.

48. My toothpaste has not been approved by the ADA.

49. I have never had a cavity.

50. I have no tonsils or wisdom teeth.

51. I have 11 toes.

52. I am full of crap...(see #51)

53. Neither one of my children were able to latch and I pumped.

54. Once I had to pump in the McDonald's bathroom b/c our power was out.

55. If/when we have a 3rd baby, it will get ALL formula, ALL the time.

56. I hate puzzles, they make me anxious.

57. I rock at Jeopardy!

58. I label everything. Even my linen closet has baskets and labels.

59. I have 2 label makers, one is a back-up, "just in case".

60. Every job I have ever had has required a nametag.

61. I have an irrational fear of my children bike riding and getting hit by a car.

62. My dreams are on a "loop" and I dream the same ones over and over.

63. All of my bras and panties are exactly the same, black or white. That's it.

64. I have a legitimate plan for "if I win the lotto".

65. I have never actually purchased a lottery ticket.

66. I burst into tears all the time.

67. I wish I lived near my family.

68. My first concert was INXS Kick.

69. I screen phone calls, big time.

70. I set up email accounts for my children when they were newborns.

71. I put my inlaws on the Do Not Call List without asking.

72. I vetoed Coach's request for a shrimp bar at our wedding.

73. I DID allow him to choose our wedding china.

74. I had 2 c-sections.

75. I can feel the place where my spinal block was when I am tired.

76. I am always tired.

77. I love music and listen to it full blast when I am alone.

78. I think I could do almost anything.

79. Except I could not be an astronaut.

80. I loved everything about my wedding, and wouldn't change a thing.

81. Except that I got too drunk at the rehearsal dinner and wet my pants (dress) on the way home.

82. I love Clemson more than I ever thought I would.

83. I was the Advisory Board President for a chapter of my sorority in the last state we lived in.

84. My mom was at my Initiation.

85. She let me borrow her pin, but not keep it.

86. I've never taken off my college ring.

87. I picked out my engagement ring.

88. My favorite foods are lame; burgers off our grill and pizza.

89. People think we have one million dollars and that I am a snot.

90. We do not have one million dollars.

91. I used to be a total snot.

92. I plan on making lots of money and being a total snot again.

93. I don't recycle.

94. I don't believe in global warming.

95. I wish leg warmers were really back in style.

96. Monogramming makes anything cuter.

97. I thing regifting is totally acceptable.

98. I don' t really know what I want to be when I grow up.

99. Christmas is a totally disappointing holiday, but I invest all my energy into it.

100. I am sick of thinking about myself.

Good Witch Bad Witch

I'm still on the fence as to how this day is going to go...

feeling sick, AGAIN and doubtful that it will

progress to cheeriness by day's end. Can't imagine WHY

I am sick, I don't eat right, don't sleep, don't exercise enough

and generally treat myself like dirt. Awesome.

Someone needs to tip the Atlanta housing market

in the direction of the Casa de Chaos I am living in.

Someone needs to deal with my recurring A/C problem

& the warranty company before I get crabbier.

Someone needs to go to the grocery store and figure

out exactly what it is that my 6 year old will eat.

Someone needs to handle the fact that my stress level is

approaching Def Com 5 and is causing my skin to break out.

Someone needs to clean out my garage.

Someone needs to let me take a nap.

Why do I get the feeling that this "someone" may have to be me?