Seriously? It's Damn Tempting

You may remember my previous wedding proposal from a reader last August. Today, we've topped it.

I got proposed to today at the Super Walmart. Sure did.

Let me set the scene for you. I was in the check-out line to the far left (aka the cigarette line) much to my dismay. Now, don't get me wrong. Coach is a coach and for many, many years he did indeed "dip". But when our first child was born, he quit cold turkey. I may have screamed something about getting Leukoplakia and then mouth cancer and me not planning on kissing him EVER if he had a hole in this lower lip, I'm just saying.

Anyway, I don't begrudge folks that tobacco, or Salem Lights or those retarded looking little mini cigars that have flavors, but it's just not my thing. That said, I did put myself in an environment rich with people of poor judgement by choosing that lane. (Walmart ain't Target, they ain't openin' another line.)

I was buying 7 clipboards for Coach and the, ahem, gentlemen, behind me in line noticed that and evidently found this a strange purchase. (Duh. You need them for your practice schedule and hitter's spray chart, and your recruiting depth chart and your pitching chart...and your, whatever and then you hang it on the fence. I don't understand this shi-ot, nor do I pretend to. I just pull Coach's list off the fridge and buy what it says. Male readers, don't bother to correct me. We womenfolk don't care much about "the sports" and all).

So he found this purchase a bit strange and this was the resulting conversation. I would like to preface this by saying that the ahem, gentleman had MOST of his teeth. Like say, 60%. And all of his hair. In a mullet.

Him: "Looks like you're 'bout to git to work on somethin' there with them there clipboards."

Me: (yellow Turtle beach pub tee shirt, yoga pants, hair cycle day 3 minimal makeup, recent manicure): "Um, well, they are for my husband. I'm actually not working today."

Him: "Hmpf. Sweet Darlin' if you'll marry me, you don't got to work no mo'."

Me: "Uh. Well. Um. That's very nice of you, but I'm actually already married. With children."

Him: "But see, darlin' I can keep you real sweet. Real sweet. You don't go to work no mo' never. Why don't you mull that over in your head for a bit. I'll be back at this Walmart nex' Tuesday and you can tell me then what ya decide. How 'bout that little darlin'?"

Me: "That sounds outstanding. I'll mull that over in my head and I'll get back to you."



Now, I need your advice. He was wearing a camouflage coverall, which Coach just plain refuses to wear, and I wouldn't have to work no mo' never. That's a pretty enticing offer.

Damn. I should've asked what kind of pick up truck he drove.