Pride of the Designer

If you take your fair skinned, blue-eyed minis to the dentist and the light is a bit bright overhead during the cleaning, pop your Michael Kors over sized sunglasses on them and all will be well.

Their faces are so small the glasses fit like Blue Blockers...MK would be proud.

Seriously? Seriously!

Early Mass at 8:30 really is the way to go. The minis were so good, I was so pleased. Plus, they had on the cutest navy and orange plaid shorts and orange polos. They begged me to wear their green flip flops and I held my ground. Of course, I sported some silver ones, but that's a horse of a different color. (teal Lilly polo, black gauchos, curly messy)

After our weekly jaunt to The Waffle House, where we were served flat Diet Coke (upon mentioning this to our waitress she told us she KNEW it was messed up and served it anyway) they kicked off their fisherman sandals and put on the flops for the ride home.

Coach took them for a bike ride (ick and double ick) whilst I went guess where? Back to the fab house I found for my clients yesterday for a second showing. They are still insisting on seeing other homes, which I am pleased to show them, but really? We're just wasting valuable time here. Let's offer on the house and move on. Anyhoo.

Then I loaded up the monogrammed minivan and headed over to the Lawyer's Wife's house. She abandoned me last week and went to the beach with cutie cutie Hair Girl and another fab friend whilst I stayed home for my "Staycation". Whatever, she's finally back and I had to race over there and drink my weight in her Hubby's Mint Tea.

Saturday

Took the minis to Old Navy this morning so they could grab some $1 flip flops. I was feeling particularly generous (maybe because I won $30 on a scratch-off) and let them each pick 3 pair (steered Jack away from the periwinkle colored ones he said were "pretty like Mama"). This is not particularly interesting, except for the fact that I hate letting them wear them. They fall off, they kick them off in the store, they can't really walk well in them and they make that redneck flapping/dragging sound on the ground. But I was feeling like fun Mommy, so there you go.

Next we went to the children's clinic at Lowe's where for 20 blissful minutes I got to sit back and relax while the minis made a project. Oh, wait. Actually I endured 20 minutes of mind numbing hammer banging (often on my thumb) and nail dropping and sanding and assembling. It was, as ever, enriching.

Found 2 freaking unbelievably fabulous houses for a client who got an offer on their home on Friday. Enormous, clean, new carpet, fresh paint, full walk-out basements, 4 bedrooms, yards, green space. Amazing prices well under their limit in neighborhoods that are perfect.

So you can see why they'd be all, "Yes. They are nice. We'll think about it." Dude, think all you want. Let's go see 84,000 other less nice, smaller, dirtier and more expensive homes on Sunday. You're going to pick one of the two homes I showed you today. I promise. I've been doing this awhile now and I am kind of intuitive about this kind of thing. My instinct tells me "no cat urine smell" is better than "reeks of cat urine", but hey, I'm just saying.

Coach is gone recruiting and that means 100% remote privileges for me. Minis are sound asleep after inhaling every child's favorite cheese pizza and lemonade. Amen.

Another Reason It's Good to be a Grown Up

I usually loathe being a grown-up. It means bills and children and a mortgage and all the unpleasantness that comes with responsibility. However, today I remembered how pedantic and silly girls in their 20s can be.

Check out the last 2 posts on sweet Nelly's blog and let me know if you want to order this on a tshirt. Seriously? If that's fat, we're all royally screwed. Big time.

BTW: I used the Expression creator thingie here to make that logo. It's the cutest stuff. One of my girlfriends sells if you're interested. Of course, no need to order my Azalea one, you can get your own...hee hee

King of the Dentists and Pool Mung

Today is the last day of baseball camp for the minis...it's a sad, sad day for Clemsongirl. Made big plans to swim on Friday with friends, but Ryan informed me this morning that "There are isolated thundershowers expected on Friday." Pretty funny, that one.

My brother is here in Atlanta for his fancy schmancy job so we're doing dinner tonight. Of course his idea of dinner and my idea of dinner are 2 very different things. (What? The pizza buffet supports the schools! Moving on. Immediately.) I'm sure we'll find a happy medium, which may involve my grill and some tequila marinated chicken breasts. If only my mom was here to steam us about 84,000 artichokes.

I made dental appointments for the minis and you know how that goes when you have a pick a new provider. Circle your hand over the list and hope your index finger lands on a good one. So after booking the appointment I did some googling. Turns out the dentist was the President of The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry, The American Society of Dentistry for Children etc. So, I guess he can manage to give them a cleaning and some xrays, yes?!

Anyway, I am off to wash the hair. I already washed it Wednesday, but then I swam with the children yesterday afternoon. Bad planning on my part. I actually piled it on top of my head last night and left it there, pool mung and all still in it. When I took it down this morning, it smelled like sunscreen...and chlorine. Yummy. Perhaps I'll wash, rinse AND repeat.

Smooches

ETA: Also? I am wearing BareMinerals Sex Kitten eye shadow and it's not working. Not feeling kitten-ish at all. I still feel bloated and PMS-y. Think I can get a refund?

An Office Supply Cocktail

How cool is this? It's like penny candy or the Potato Head dealie at Downtown Disney. I must make an office supply cocktail.
Check to see if your Staples has this rotating display of awesome-ness.

The possibilities are infinite.

Ahhh, I love me some binder clips...

Deposit This

This morning I drove through the bank. Sent my transaction through the pneumatic tube. Teller processes deposit (woo hoo!) and sends the slip back in the tube.

Asks me the same question every dang time; "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

I never know what to say.

"Yeah, I am thinking of buying some new trainers, what are your thoughts?"
"Yes. I'm kind of hungry, got anything back there except suckers for me to nosh on?"
"As a matter of fact, I'm headed to California next month. Suggestions on hotels?"

Seriously? I get the fast food up sell...I just don't know what answer she's looking for at the bank.

Tuesday

The minis are at baseball camp again today with Coach. Only 2 more days of this 9a-4p bliss, so I am making the most of it. I have yet to leave the house since dropping them off, nor have I changed out of my pajamas. I did, however, add a sports bra to the ensemble.

When I was in college and in a sorority it was considered very uncool to wear "double letters". That meant if you were wearing a party tshirt with your letters on it, you didn't also wear your lavaliere. No letter sweatshirt and letter baseball hat together. Ditto for any other combination; shirt, shorts, sweats, etc. It was just gauche.

If that still holds true today, and transfers over to your college, I am majorly dorked out.

Today, I am sporting a grey Clemson tshirt and navy Tiger Paw shorts. (It may help a bit that the shorts are so old the Paw is mostly faded off.) But still. I know the Paw was there. And now you know also.

Reminds me of this girl who we went to college with. The first day of our Freshman math class (which I had to "retake" several times to pass, I'm notsomuch good with "the numbers") this girl wore a Clemson tshirt, Clemson shorts, Clemson friggin' socks with the 80s style aerobics terry cloth ball on the back and a big arse orange grosgrain Tiger Paw bow in her sad, sad ponytail. I always thought she was a big goober and roll my eyes to this day when I think of her first day of college outfit.

(My first day outfit? Duh. Black linen flat front shorts, black and white striped fitted tee, white hair bow in my kick arse, rockin' ponytail and black sandals.)

Then I found out that Coach hooked up with her just before he met me.

Um, dude? Really? She was QUADRUPLE lettered!

3 Unrelated Circumspections

1. There is a girl that works in my office who has come upon some hard times and has 2 medium age children. She's been tossing around all these ideas of ways to make some extra money. I gave her my very serious suggestion that she become a pole dancer. Really. She's hot. Really, really hot. She's got a gorgeous face and a body to die for. She giggled and then showed me her very, very flat abs. She could quadruple her income in lap dances alone. Or at least be the hot sales girl at Jaguar.

Recession means throw your morals out the window, yes?

If I had it, I'd flaunt it. I'm just saying.

2. If you are trying to get on an elevator, and I am trying to get off, you're going to need to move your arse away from the door. If I can't get out, you can't get in. It's simple physics. Mixed with a bit of Amy Vanderbilt. Please don't look all agitated at me and do the old "power blow" under your breath. Really? I'll friggin' stand here all damn day and just look at you until you move your shi-ot. The minis are at camp with Coach, I've got all the time in the world. At least until 4pm.

3. I drove through and grabbed some lunch today (shut up I ate grilled chicken) and pulled into a parking lot of a shopping center. I pulled the monogrammed minivan all the way in the back where there were no cars. I parked sort of sideways across to spots and ate my lunch whilst listening to some Rush. At least I tried to until some freaking weirdo pulled in all 69 style right next to me and ate her lunch. Seriously, there were 84,000 parking spots available and she pulled her POS pick-up truck right next to me facing the opposite direction and hoovered through some Taco Hell. Umm, again, I can get you a copy of some Emily Post, but I'm doubting she addresses that issue. Also probably not addressing the whole plaid flannel shirt in mid-June, but that's a guess on my part.

I've been leaving my girlfriends rather cryptic voicemails over the past few days, three words: "Dark Chocolate Fudgsicle" and then hanging up. Creepy? Yes, but friggin' delish. They come in the Triple Chocolate box accompanied by white chocolate and milk chocolate. You. Must. Purchase. BOGO at Publix...


Today Coach and I took the minis to that walking trail I discovered last month and walked fu-ever. It was not 61 and overcast like I prefer, but the sun was shining and the minis behaved nicely. We both noticed that the boys are growing up so quickly, and aren't very "mini" anymore at 5 and 7. Then I decided we'd not discuss that anymore. Ever.

It freaks me out. One minute you're sitting at dinner and one of you says, "Hey, what about having a baby?" and the next minute they are running down a trail in Saucony sneakers talking about movies (of course they were also discussing the all time favorite topic of wieners).

Tonight I'll have to watch the rest of The Other Boleyn Girl, I fell asleep last night about 1/3 in. We decided to watch Juno first; which I did not understand at all. Really, I'm not a moron, but I just didn't get it.

In order to watch a DVD in the family room, Coach does need to do a little redneck legwork. For some reason our DVD player downstairs called it quits in December and we keep forgetting to pick up a new one. In any case, the children have one upstairs that we borrow when we need one. Last night Coach brought it down but couldn't get it plugged into the outlet behind the armoire...so we got an extension cord which we ran the length of the room into a more convenient outlet. Of course I couldn't be bothered to find a white extension cord, so Coach used the bright orange outdoor cord, mostly wound on the plastic holder. Seriously? We have several college degrees between the 2 of us, and that's our redneck Saturday night.

Of course, I did eat 84,000 dark chocolate fudgsicles...duh

Hmmmm

Either you've all read that book or no one is checking blogs...I've never had a no comment post! Anyhoo, I am going to chalk it up to business and summer fun and not take that personally.

Coach is off today so we've been doing the suburban family bit. You know what that looks like, drive around looking at houses you could never afford then grab some lunch at California Pizza Kitchen (Thai Crunch Salad and Pear and Gorgonzola Pizza all around).

After that we headed to the pet store where we let the minis look at all the great animals we'll never let them have as pets. Hit the PGA Superstore and hit some balls then rounded out the suburban-ess with a trip to Blockbuster and DQ. Really, could we be more predictable?

In any case, the boys are hunkered down watching Water Horse and Coach is dozing in the family room. I am off to put in a load of laundry and read my new magazine from Lawyer's Wife...until I bust out MY movie...The Other Boleyn Girl.

28 Days or Why You're a Bitch for 14 of Them

Have you read this book by Gabrielle Lichterman? It's soooo great. I bought it a couple of years ago and have been recently re-reading it. I even found you a link to buy it used starting at $1.05! (I'm not saying you're poor, just frugal enough to spend your hard earned money on shoes and Target dresses!)

Anyway, it's perfect and entertaining and educational all at once. Your hubs will be pleased to understand that you're not just bat shit crazy for no reason...

Friday

Today is the first day the minis aren't at baseball camp. This whole parenting for the entire day after them being at Granny Camp 2008 Session 1 is rough. Alas, it's my lot in life.

Promised them I'd take them on a field trip to go bumper bowling today, and I thought that they might forget. No luck. 6:50am brought cries of "It's bowling day! It's bowling day!" At least they serve beer. I know, I know it's my 2nd least favorite thing to do (worldwide camping = suckage, remember), but I am nothing if I am not a martyr for my children. The pain I feel from going to a bowling alley is dwarfed by their tremendous enjoyment. Kind of.

The monogrammed minivan also needs a complete overhaul today. She was the lucky recipient of 2 new tires earlier in the week, but now her "insides don't match her outsides". She'll be having a date with a vacuum, a bottle of Armor All and some Febreze. She was so well behaved on my recent road trips I may indulge her with some tire shine and buff up her mirrors even. Ahhh, I love my minivan something fierce.


What's your Friday plan?

My Cup Runeth Over

Thanks to all of you cuties who gave me this award this week, it's too sweet!

It makes me feel like a Big Juicy Gumdrop...(yummy and chewy at first, then a bit of sugar crunch between your teeth just when you thought it was gone...)

I pass it along to:

Hello Darling (She's my blond alter ego)

Fishy Busyness (who knew Jiu Jitsu could be redneck?)

Fill My Subscription (Drugs and hilariousness all around)

Little Southern Sister (makes me feel 21 again)

The Beaufort O'Neals (eat some damn tomatoes for her!)

From Russia with Love (damn, damn funny that one)

Silly Girl

Saw another Mommy loading children into a minivan this afternoon at Chik-fil-A with a big arse Clemson alumni sticker on her back window.

I asked her what year she graduated and she practically collapsed into a fit of giggles a la Betty Rubble and told me, "1999".

Dude, get a grip. Silly girl, giggling is for Gamecocks.

With a Grain of Salt

I don't generally dole out advice unsolicited (unless you're wearing white shoes- ewww!) and please remember that you get what you pay for. My free advice for today is:

If you have something icky on your "To Do" list today, something you're dreading; do it immediately. Get it out of the way. You'll enjoy the day much more without it hanging over your head.

Kind of like housework. Don't leave the kitchen until the end, it's the hardest one and you'll lose steam.

I've just completed my icky task of the day, a phone call I've been dreading. Go do yours. Then get a Venti Iced Coffee so you (I!!!) can fit better in my pants.

Copy Cat

Thanks to Hello Darling for this meme! I have no idea why some of the #s between 1-60 are missing and I am too lazy to figure it out. So, here they are:



1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? 2 mini car seats, 2 Leapsters, 84,000 Leapster games.


2. When was the last time you threw up? Last week.


3. What's your favorite curse word? F-bomb. No question. Get over it. Immediately.


4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? The Lawyers Wife, 2 minis all wakey-sleepy this morning.


5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Sleeping. Got up at 8:25ish


6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Driving the monogrammed minivan to Coach's University- gotta pick up the minis from baseball camp at 4


7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? It'll be 7:30p, so minis will be sleeping. I'll wash a load of clothes and make dinner...ish.


8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Shockingly, no.


9. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Yeah, but it's so worth the extra money."


10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Haagen Daz White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle


11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Diet Pepsi...in a stolen Tervis Tumbler with a pink monogram


13. What was the last thing you ate? Mixed green salad with lemon dressing and penne with spinach and ricotta.


14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Yes. A brown dress from H&M.


15. When was the last time you ran? "Ran" out of DietWhateversonsale or "ran" over a curb? Both today. Crap.


16. What's the last sporting event you watched? College World Series Last Night- go DAWGS! Before that, "the golf".


18. Who is the last person you emailed? A client.


19. Ever go camping? Against all my will, yes. In 1992 in Spain. It did not suck less to be camping in a foreign country. I promise, it sucks worldwide. Yep, Worldwide Suckage = Camping.


20. Do you have a tan? Notsomuch. I do have remnants of Jergens Natural Glow applications from earlier this summer though.


24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Yes, it's pink polka dot.


25. What did your last IM say? "Take the buyer. I can handle the open house."


26. Are you someone's best friend? Duh. What do you think?


27. What are you doing tomorrow? Dropping the minis at baseball camp, selling a house (bad market be damned) and planning.


28. Where is your mom right now? Double duh. It's Tuesday, Ladies Golf Day.


29. Look to your left, what do you see? I am in Coach's office, so I see a big arse TV mounted on the wall, a balcony overlooking the field and a shitload of baseball gear. And yes, that's the Division I term, "shitload of gear".


30. What color is your watch? Silver


31. What do you think of when you think of Australia ? How weird it would be to be hot all December.


32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Uh, that'd be a no. Notsomuch into the needles and knives. Drink more, I'll get prettier.


33. What is your birthstone? Yuck. Aquamarine.


34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Haven't you seen Lethal Weapon?! "They f you at the drive through."


35.How many kids do you want? None. Oops, too late.


36. Do you have a dog? Hell no. I can't manage ANYTHING ELSE.


37. Last person you talked to on the phone? Mortgage guy. And yes, I do expect him to make miracles just for me and my clients. What's so hard about that?!


38. Have you met anyone famous? Yep. Overrated.



39. Any plans today? Taking the minis swimming this afternoon.



40. How many states have you lived in? IN, NJ, IL, SC, FL, GA, OH...shall I go on?

41. Ever go to college? GOOOOOOO Tigers!

42. Where are you right now? Coach's office

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Dinero


44. Last song listened to? You're Beautiful (and indeed, I am)



46. Are you allergic to anything? Whole milk. Eurythramycin (sp?)

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time? Flip flops. Pink Shox.

48. Are you jealous of anyone? I am nothing if I am not honest with you...hell yes. Maybe another post for another day.


50. Is anyone jealous of you? I seriously doubt it. My hair, maybe. My baby blues, probably. But me as a whole? Notsomuch.


51. What time is it? Time for the damn children to get swimsuits on already.

52. Do any of your friends have children? Oh, hell yes. In fact almost all of them! (shout out to those of you without though!)



53. Do you eat healthy? Are Twizzlers healthy?

54. What do you usually do during the day? Once a single friend from college asked me that. I launched into a diatribe spouting the merits of motherhood and they shut up within 8.4 seconds.

55. Do you hate anyone right now? Hate? Not really. Deadly dislike? Yep.



56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? Shockingly, no. I have caller ID, and friends and family get greeted with "Hey friend/Shorty!". Clients get, "This is Jennifer. What the hell do you need?" Kidding.



58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 34... crap.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Methinketh you mean Great America, but yes.

60. How did you get one of your scars? I have railroad track scars from C-sections. And that's right, I have 2 scars. Couldn't get Jack out of the same incision area...voila...railroad tracks.

Cracker Barrel = EPCOT?

On Sunday Coach and I met my parents in Lexington, Kentucky to swap the children. (note: it's much, much more fun to drop them off for Granny Camp 2008 Session 1 than to pick them up.)

We met them at a Cracker Barrel for lunch (which my Dad adores and my Mom despises BTW) which are all the same. You know exactly what you're going to get at The Crack House. A Southern hostess with the ubiquitous brown apron emblazoned with her name, Tammy or Dawn or TammyDawn. She's not a genius, but she's nice enough.

TammyDawn will then take you to your table next to the display of "antique-ish" wash boards (*which resemble Coach's abs! Helll-ooo hot stuff!) and old Coca-Cola signs.

Then your server will introduce him/herself in a Southern drawl and proceed to get your food (fried chicken, dumplings, hash brown casserole, collard greens) and sweet tea with minimal conversation. His/her name will be equally Southern. This holds true at 100% of all Cracker Barrels nationwide. Regardless of location/state. Oh, and all employees and most customers? Baptist. Big time rush after the Sunday service. You'll wait on that damn front porch in those rockers for hours unless you hustle there right after 8am Mass. I'm just saying.

Or so I thought...

We were served by "Kin" who was from the Philippines. He yakked our ears off with promises of "Food comig ri' ow"" and "Hot pla', hot pla' (plate)". He told us to have a Happy Father's Day (I think?) and implored us to "Come back see me 4 July."

My mother and I ordered Fiesta Chicken salads. Because she doesn't "do" the whole home cooking thing. And I am supportive of her ordering "outside the box". "Kin" delivered them to the table and proceeded to cross his Catholic self and bless us. For the love of Mary I kid you not.

And that combo of Southern, Filipino, Catholic and Mexican is why I'll not need to take the minis to EPCOT this summer. Amen to saving a few minivan payments on that one.

It's Over

Heading to Kentucky this morning (with Coach!!!) to swap the minis. Granny Camp 2008 Session 1 is over today, but fear not...Session 2 is much longer in July.

Coach is really looking forward to 6 hours (each way) of uninterrupted opportunity to hear my innermost thoughts. I know this because I told him he was excited. That's true love, yes?

Shall We Discuss...

...the awesome-ness of this shirt from the bestest little graphics shop in Clemson?

Really? It's too cute. Even for me.

love love love

Ah, this is the life

It's 11:52pm and Coach and I just got home from dinner. Which we ate at 10:45pm.

Alone.

Now I remember why I like him so much. It's easy to forget with those dang minis climbing up my legs.

Note to Granny: you rock. Thanks.

Is it Wrong...

...that I have been eyeballing my Hot Rollers (that's gratuitous capitalization aka artistic license) and thinking they aren't such a bad idea in 2008?

And I am not even in a pageant this week!

GC2008 Update

Since the children are at Granny Camp 2008 (5th annual), Coach and I decided to harvest some of the organic vegetables we have been cultivating in our back yard and make a healthy and delicious dinner.

Oh, wait. That's not right. We gorged ourselves on Mexican and are watching TV rotting our brains.

Various and Sundry

Things that have happened over the last couple of days that lead me to believe I should lose a few lbs. Or rethink the empire waisted sundresses.

1.) At a Starbucks in Chicagoland, friendly barista "Dina" asked me "when the little one was due." Um, Dina? If the "little one" you're referring to is my "little" foot that I am going to shove in your arse? That's "due" right about now. Bitch didn't even comp me my Venti Skim Iced Chai after that ball of presumptuous -ness. She also did not recieve any tipage. Duh.

2.) Today, Coach looked at my cleavage and asked me if I had cookie crumbs that had fallen in there. Um, Coach? That would be peeling from my sunburn last week. But thanks for thinking of the best possible option. He also did not recieve any "tipage." Double duh.

3.) Cows are making goo goo eyes at me.

Oh, be back in a minute, just have to trot to the kitchen for some jelly beans...

Totally kidding about going to get that candy. Why would I walk all the way to the kitchen when I can get Coach to bring them to me?

Emerged

I've been keeping secrets all spring and they are finally out in the open.

We've been planning dueling surprise parties for my Dad's 60th and my Mom's retirement (hoo hoo!) and they are finally both over. It's a tremendous sense of relief not to have to make up stories and fibs any more to keep them both in the dark. On a positive note, I am now qualified for full on undercover employment. Also, I have viewed every single party invitation South of the Mason-Dixon.

As a result of said parties, I packed up the minis and DROVE to Chicago at noon on Thursday. 735 miles and 13+ hours later, we arrived and "hid out" at my Aunt and Uncles until the party on Friday night. I am awaiting my friggin' Traveling Mommy of the Year to be delivered.

BTW, I had to go to the bathroom so badly at 1am I stopped at the Hinsdale Oasis. I hauled the sleeping minis, one on each hip, in their jammies in saw some rather scary characters. I waved my keys (on my sorority lanyard) at them and gave them this warning, "Don't mess with me. I am the mother of these boys and I am tougher than I look. You don't scare me." I sauntered off in my flip flops and they all rolled their homeless eyes at me.


Too many drinks later, I crashed late Friday night and did not emerge from my Chardonnay and Jim Beam (yeah, I mixed my liquor, sue me) induced slumber until 9am. Oh, and the Bob Mackie dress? Hugely comfy and way cute (spanx and dental floss kept the whole underneath "situation" semi-firmed up). I added some stripper-height patent black heels and a long silver necklace.


Saturday we ate our weight in Pad Thai and steamed artichokes (different meals, equally yummy) and shopped. The minis scored 3 new swim suits and some cutie plaid shorts (um, that may bring their total to 84,000, but I'm just saying) and I landed a new pool cover up. Sadly, I attempted to pick up both the hot pink and orange sparkly flip flops at H&M in size huge (9), but no go. I will be hitting a couple of H&Ms on the way back to Atlanta, simply because I can not live without them. Seriously, they are too damn cute. They will be mine. Will be. Both colors. Pinky swear

Sunday I am packing MYself up and heading back to GA. The minis are enrolled at Granny Camp for 10 glorious days and I will be tearing it up in ATL with no children. (By tearing it up I mean cleaning out closets, drinking Diet Whateversonsale poolside and seeing a couple of movies. Also? All my GA girlfriends are on notice, you must be at my beck and call. You've got me child free for 10 days, take full advantage.)

Got to get some sleep and rest up. I am stopping in the morning at my Gram's for some shopping...in her basement. Ryan may be scoring a new bed...and who knows what else.

Hottie

I was driving down the Interstate today in the monogrammed minivan (which is so needing to be detailed) with my big sunglasses on and my new Old Navy Mint Lemonade lip gloss on. The minis were at baseball camp (Amen. Halleluiah.) and I had the CD player on max volume.

Toby Keith was busting out track 17 of Disc One Greatest Hits, She's a Hottie. I was singing along and feeling like he was singing just to me;

She's sittin' by the water where the river gets wide
thinkin' 'bout swimming to the other side
Got a Marlboro red,
and a can of cold Bud
toes squished down in the Arkansas mud,
Hey Mister! Yeah, I kissed her
Son! You ought to see her sister!
Ya' gotta give a little something to a cold dog cat
finding him a woman who can shake like that,

HOTTIE She's a Hottie Got a smokin' little body
String bikini and a barbed-wire tat
She's a rockin' that cowboy hat
HOTTIE She's a Hottie and just a little bit naughty
Ki yi diggy diggy, Ki yi diggy diggy, yey
HEY hey HEY ....

She's slidin' down the dam
Where the moss gets thick
A yellin' "YeeHaw !" she's a red-neck chick
Spittin' in the fire, puttin' on a show
struttin like a chicken to the radio
Hey Slick She's a hick
MMMM in her buttermilk lipstick

Ya' gotta give a little something to a cold dog cat
Finding him a woman who can shake like that
HOTTIE She's a Hottie She got a smokin' little body
String bikini and a barbed-wire tat
She's a rockin' that cowboy hat

Yeah, yeah! That's all me. Minus the Marlboro Red and the barbed wire tattoo. For sure, I am so dang cute, right? Of course, that'd have to be "toes squished down in that Georgia mud," but other than that, all me. Oh and sub out Mint Lemonade lip gloss for Buttermilk Lipstick.

Then I get a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror.

Hmmm. Age 33. Slightly dirty ponytail (Hair Cycle: Day 2), it's 94 degrees and I am a bit, ahem, glistening. No makeup but mascara. Old Navy white tee shirt with a touch of Iced Nonfat Chai on the front, drawstring black sleep shorts.

Oh, and I am drinking a Wendy's Frosty Float and it's "gathered" itself on my upper lip.

So now I am thinking, She's a Hottie? Nottie.

$12 Love

Had a fun morning shopping with Stella and The Lawyer's Wife, I picked up a Bob Mackie yellow, black and white dress for a whopping $12 at Steinmart. It was a deal at $49, then another some odd percentage off, and voila el cheapo dress-o! Stella picked up some cute things for her Only's room and Lawyer's Wife picked up Aisles 12 and 13 at Target. Kidding. Sort. of.

Also, the Summer Spirit's name has been changed. She is now the Sunshine Girl (Reminiscent of my sorority days. The Sunshine Girl would pass a bowl of bubble gum around at chapter with a note that said, "Don't Blow Off Classes!" and other cute stuff like that) and may or may not have purchased some pool toys for delivery on Wednesday. I've got to bust out some scrapbooking supplies, because she clearly needs her own stationery.

Photos of the dress and Sunshine Girl's ensemble to follow.

I am off to the county north of me to show some houses. Smooches.

Newest Angle

In an effort to get my children to behave this summer (stop giggling) I have introduced a new tactic.

I told them yesterday evening that there was someone called a Summer Spirit that would bring them surcies and happies throughout the summer if they were well mannered. The specifics are unclear, I was pulling it out my my arse...let's build this up readers.

So far, the Summer Spirit is considering something to be delivered later this week...

Like Infants

If you wake me up at 6am on a Sunday morning, I will drag your booties to Mass at 8:30am.

I will also put said booties down for naps at 10am.

Like a couple of newborns.