Today I am done being me.
I am done being the capable one. The reliable one. The practical one. The organized one. The tough one. The strong one. The together one.
I am done being smart. Done with being understanding. Done with being patient. Done with kind. Done with thoughtful. Done with considerate. Done with funny.
Today I am over making good choices. Over limiting my caffeine intake. I'm over managing my life. I am over managing others. Over it.
Today I will not.
I will not help you. I will not solve your problems. I will not. I won't listen to your complaints. I will not. Even if you think they are bigger than mine.
I will sit on the floor and cry. I will feel sorry for myself and eat carbs. Lots of them. With butter. I will freebase on caffeine and sorrow.
I will not put on a happy face. I won't answer your call. I won't respond to your email. I won't answer your knock at the door. I won't. Even if you have chocolate.
Today I will sit in the dark and lick my wounds. I will have a pity party and only invite myself. I will cry some more. And likely some more after that. I will snap at you if you come near me. I will be rude and ugly and hateful. I will wear sweats and no makeup and twirl my hair. I will think mean thoughts and be really, really angry.
And then tomorrow. Tomorrow I will start to pick up the pieces. Tomorrow I will wipe my tears and put on big girl clothes and lip gloss. I'll answer your call. I'll be capable and strong and independent and well, me.
But not today.
So don't ask me to.
I won't. I'm done.
September 21, 2009
I'm Done
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60 comments:
Oh, Clemsongirl I read your blog often but have only commented rarely. Your post was beautiful and eloquent. I'm sorry for whatever your going through today.
Hang in there!!
Tomorrow is anotha day! Hope your tomorrow is better than today!! :)
Hope things look up for you soon. :)
Love your blog & so sorry you're having one of those days. Have a good cry, eat LOTS of fat, carbs & chocolate. Sometimes a pity party is just what the doctor ordered.
Oh my goodness.
I read your blog frequently, and am always impressed with your sweet, strong nature. I am so very sorry to hear that something so devastating has happened to you.
My thoughts are with you. I hope things get easier.
There is a story there. Will you be sharing? "I'm done." is one of my favorite phrases...the grownup versoin of "Whatever."
*rises to her feet and applauds*
Seriously, standing ovation here, ClemsonGirl.
I love this entry. I want to make it the manifesto of every strong, capable woman who has to clean up other people's mistakes.
Aaah, one of those days. Save some peanut butter M&Ms for me (those are hands down the best candy for drowning sorrows. They give you quite a sugar buzz too.)
Hope you feel better tomorrow.
I'm so sorry that you are feeling down. But you know, you do what you have to. Wallow, eat carbs if you want to, swear if you want to, scream if you want to and cry until your eyes swell if you want. Just remember to place cucumbers on your eyes tonight so they don't look swollen tomorrow. :) You deserve to be you.
I would leave a coffee and icecream sundae on your doorstep and ring the bell and run away if I lived in your neck of the woods!
You go girl!!! Everybody needs a day like this every once and a while! That's the way i felt last night when my last patient on my last shift in the ER died last night! CRAP!!Cry away. Remember that which doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. (Or so I keep telling myself!)
I would leave a coffee and icecream sundae on your doorstep and ring the bell and run away if I lived in your neck of the woods!
Love you! Hang in there!
Here's hoping that the flood washes away the craptastic-ness. Maybe we'll get some rainbows outta all of this rain!
If only I could articulate my feelings so beautifully. That was written perfection. I usually just go with, "keep it together, keep it together..."
Hang in there!!!!
Im with your first commenter...and you know what? Go YOU! You eat carbs, cry hard, act 5 and pout away. We all need those days...make the best of yours!
So been where you are today. I hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
Sending a hug and relating to everything you said. I have that same "I'm DONE" t-shirt. I'm pretty sure I know how you feel. Hope tomorrow you feel better.
Till then...carbs and caffeine for everyone! I need that today, too!!!
Hang in there...
Well said, I've been done before and I'm sure I'll be done again. Hang in there, thinkging of you :)
I could have wrote that post and meant it myself. Hang in there. I am about to sit and eat carbs, maybe cry a bit, and be a little happier i'm not the only one doing it today. :)
I hope tomorrow is better!! I feel like that some days too!! Take care
I read your blog all the time and do not have a clue what you are going through.... but know that we are here for you!!!
By the way, I lost a dog in May and felt exactly the same way....
Hang in there and pick yourself up tomorrow and it will be okay.
Hope your day gets better and you had all the chocolate, coffee and crying you needed. Preferably on the couch under a blanket with a good book or a movie.
:-( Hope things go MUCH more your way tomorrow!
I use that phrase all the time - hope you get a good night's sleep and feel much better in the morning!
Oh my...I've been there. Take care of yourself and hang in there.
Ok, seriously, that was PERFECTION!
Lemony Melon
I read your blog almost everyday, at least everyday that you post. Hope tomorrow gets better for you and if it doesn't, just do it all again, eventually it will all be ok!
Beautifully written! xoxo ... mpm
Sending smooches your way!
I'm so sorry you are having one of those days. And yet you were still able to write such an amazing post. Hope tomorrow is better and that you were able to have the carb and caffeine fest. Hugs.
I totally know how you feel. Don't know what you're going through, but I recognize the feeling.
You are absolutely entitled to wallow in your misery... as long as your promise not to let it last more than a couple days. I hope things start looking up soon. The best news is - tomorrow is a new day.
Oh man, I had a day like that today too. Just wanted to crawl under the covers with chocolate and the dogs and trashy TV...and some WINE! I hope tomorrow is MUCH better :)
You forgot to add alcohol to the mix. Pity party for yourself can do wonders, tomorrow you can start fresh and be wonderwoman again! XXOO
Hope today is better!
What a devastatingly beautiful blog. I will pray that the source of your pain and anger is soon resolved. I will pray for strength, endurance, and above all grace and mercy for you today.
~Coach Wheat's Wife
I understand completely. Get it all out. Everyone needs a mental cleanse every so often.
Wow! I'm a follower and read most all your posts but rarely comment. I just couldn't not comment today. Those are some powerful words. Hope today is a better day.
I am sorry for whatever has you down today!
I feel the same way, CG. I have no patience whatsoever these last couple of weeks. I want to wake up and get out of this funk but I can't...
And my poor children have to watch me just going through the motions while inside I am this close to slamming my head against the wall.
My husband works 14 hrs/day and I really hate him but he's not here for me to yell at.
you're in my prayers clemsongirl.
Feel better CG!
I hope tomorrow is a better day....sometimes a good pity party is exactly what the dr. ordered...
Hugs!
Hang in there CG! We are all here supporting you in whatever is going on. Hoping today is already better for you.
Hope today is a better day, saying a little prayer for you.
Dear Clemson Girl- I am so sorry. You are in my prayers today. Hope you will feel better.
OMG...what the heck happened??? Are you okay??
Wow. My dad died a few days ago and you just nailed how I feel.
I'm sorry, ClemsonGirl! I'm worried about you. I hope you are feeling a tiny bit better. You deserve a day off ... I hope it helped. Hugs!
long time reader. love your wit ! I also am a fellow Catholic (via RCIA) and I always admire that you are not afraid of letting your readers know where you stand on religion. I hope whatever it is you are dealing with, ask for some help from Our Lady. Ask for her to take these things off your shoulders.
for whatever is going on and making you so sad, I am sorry. Here to email if you ever feel the need.
I am soooo feeling the same way. I can't decide if I want to cry, throw up or just give up on the issue that is bothering me so. All the rain and destruction in my area was just the icing on the cake. Things will get better....they have to!
Hope you are feeling better.
Hope you are feeling better....thinking of you today.
p.s. mom, pta president, realtor, etc you overload yourself- please invest in a cleaning lady.
Me too!
Sending happy thoughts...
Here's hoping Starbucks, cookies, and red wine will make it all better.
I feel for you - big hugs. BTW, I just gave you a shout out on my facebook. Hope you don't mind - you'll probably see some more traffic coming your way. But, don't, under any circumstances, feel any obligation to welcome them aboard...at least not today!
This is Holly - but I cannot for the life of me remember my username! (happens all the time)
My Mom always says when you are feeling rough you should "be gentle with yourself". Please do so.
Damn girl. You've got to get yourself up to Jersey. You can sit on my couch and I'll put a cooler of Diet Coke next to you. I'll make you some cookies and a big bowl of pasta. Then we'll go shopping.
Is it a date?
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