Almost

I almost lost it tonight.

The bitch can not be stifled much longer.

And I almost blew it on a good friend. I snapped at her on the phone for absolutely no reason. (Then apologized profusely of course!)

But, be forewarned once again, I am going to go Jenny from the Block on someone really, really soon.

General Krottendorfer is readying the troops for battle. PMS is a bitch.

So am I.

Elle Would Be So Sad

Remember that scene in Legally Blond where the 3 girls are at the nail salon for manis and pedis? The little cheerleader one starts rattling off to the nail tech in Vietnamese, "She'll never get him back with those cuticles!"

That was quite possibly what Monogrammed Tahoe, Lawyer's Wife and Jillian, Inc were saying about me when I scurried to the ladies room at Starbucks this morning. Most likely they were saying in East Cobb voices, not Vietnamese, but one can never be sure. They were all fancied up and dressed cute and I was, well, looking like I had just spread mulch. (Which I had.)

Clemsongirl's nails? Yikes. Hair too. Hair cycle day: not even going to tell you.

I promise to fix the nail situation on Friday. The hair? Washed it tonight. Pinky swear.

Simmer Down

I've been trying to stifle my inner bitch for about a week now.

She's really clamoring to get out.

Partly it's PMS.

Partly it's because I have been squelching her lately.

Partly it's because it is cold and making me crabby.

Consider yourselves forewarned.

She will escape. She will.

Foundation

Back in the day, my mother pledged a sorority in college. She is a Kappa Alpha Theta (Gamma chapter, Butler University) and had a fabulous 4 years. Met my father who was the President of his fraternity (Sigma Chi) at Butler, and they've been deep in love ever since.

My mom served as an advisor for Theta for many years when I was growing up. I spent countless hours in the sorority house during Rush prep. My baby brother may or may not have know the words to the Rush skit, "I'm a Theta, She's a Theta, Wouldn't you like to be a Theta , too?" (To the tune of the Dr. Pepper jingle of course.)

When I went to Clemson, I too pledged Theta. My mother initiated me and lent me her gorgeous badge (pin). She lead the singing and toasting at my wedding, surrounded by my Theta sisters.

I met FishyBusyness and Skinny through Theta (FishyB is my Big Sister!) and I literally can't imagine my life without them. Through college, jobs, marriages and babies (7 boys and 1 girl!) we're the best of friends. That's a sappy post for another day.

When we moved, I always made a point to stay involved with Theta. I met Mandy B at one stop on the coaching tour and she and I served on the Advisory Board. Shortly thereafter, I became the Advisory Board President. Spent hours and hours with the girls and dragged the minis right along.

My boys know all the words to "There's a kite called a Theta kite..." and "Remember". Their Nannies were Thetas and they have been the ring bearers in our bestest Nanny's wedding.

Needless to say, my sorority has been a concentric circle in every part of my life.

Today is our Founder's Day. In 1870, four women sat around a table and decided to start a tradition, a group, a sisterhood. I am so thankful that they did.

Today, if you're a Theta, or you know a Theta (me!) celebrate.

"In noblest womanhood, find truest sisterhood."

Nuts

Last night I made enchiladas for dinner. Truth be told, I baked the frozen ones from Trader Joe's. Anyway.

Coach came in said he was glad that I wasn't serving him something with peanut butter.

Huh?

"Yesterday for breakfast you made me a bagel with peanut butter. There were 2 peanut butter sandwiches in my lunch. There was a pack of peanut butter crackers for a snack. Thought maybe you were trying to give me salmonella."

Well, I wasn't. But there's an idea...

Hot Damn

I grew up drinking tea. Hot tea in a mug, not sweet Southern tea. My mom always used to enjoy a hot cup of tea with a splash of milk, absolutely delicious. She even got hot tea from McDonald's when we were on road trips or en route to a swim meet circa 1985. My mother? Not a fan of the fast food. I'm just saying.

Since I have now officially lived in the South since 1993, I love Tea. (I feel the need to capitalize it since it's quite the institution.) In any case, sweet or unsweet, it's good stuff. Plus? The caffeine factor is a major plus.

Tonight I put on a huge pot of water to boil for 2 pitchers of Tea. I got that boil going and put in my tea bags. I draped the strings with the tags over the edge of the pot for easy removal after it steeped.

Then I stepped over to the sink. (Not a big step, it's a small operation here at the Casa de Chaos) Turned back around to see 4 tea tags lit up and on fire from the gas flame I had left still burning. Hot Damn. Blue flames and all, those tags were en fuego!

Grabbed my trusty metal tongs (how else would a Yankee flip her Italian sausage without tongs?!) and handled that flaming "situation".

"I'm not from the South...but I got here as fast as I could."

Mr. America

Last night Coach and I watched Miss America. At least most of it. We both fell asleep just before Katie Stam, Miss Indiana was crowned. That's because we are old and beaten down by life (read: our children). (Tangentially, I got the worst night's sleep ever, and look like a raccoon this morning. It's NOT good.)

When the pageant (I mean, Scholarship Program) starts each year, Coach and I pick our favorites and predict the winner. It's like gambling for girls.

He picked Miss Indiana and that girl with the bangs. I picked Miss Alabama. Miss Alabama employed proper use of electric rollers and had long hair. Too cute.

This morning, I informed him that Katie Stam, his pick, had indeed won Miss America.

"No way! I told you! Can I pick them or WHAT?!" He exclaimed whilst making pancakes in his pajamas. "You're so lucky I picked YOU! I am a professional girl picker."

"You know what? I should be a recruiter for girls. Forget recruiting baseball players, I should recruit GIRLS. I don't know what I'd be picking them for, but I sure can pick them."

Whatever dude. You can't have a harem.

I'm just saying.

ETA: Coach just wanted you to know that "the chick with the bangs" was Miss Arkansas.

25

On Facebook I was tagged to do this 25 Random Things...thought I'd copy and paste to the blog as well!

1. I am 33 and have never had a cavity. Which is great, since I pass out from simply getting my teeth cleaned. Can't imagine having to get a shot (yikes!) in my mouth! I was completely unconscious during both of my c-sections. Woke up a mommy. A very, very sore one from the surgeries.

2. I live in Georgia and have never eaten a peach. Yes, it's the Peach State, but I have an issue with fruit that is fuzzy. G-ross. Tangentially, olives are also foul.

3. I had no intention of ever going to Clemson, but my mother made me go there to visit. I fell in such deep love the moment we drove past the "In Season Every Season" sign, I never looked back. Now, my nickname is Clemsongirl and I cry every time I go back. I Heart Clemson!

4. I met my husband at a Catholic church in Clemson (yes, there are Catholics in the South) called St. Andrews. Our oldest son's middle name is Andrew because of that. He was coaching Clemson baseball when I was a student and it was all very scandalous. He told his friends he was going to marry me when he saw me for the first time...they told him he didn't stand a chance. Hmmm...

5. I curse like a complete truck driving, trailer park redneck. It's absolutely appalling, but there is something very, very satisfying about dropping a good f-bomb. I do not however, live in a a trailer. Or allow my children to wear camouflage to school, so it all kind of evens out, yes?

6. I have moved 14 times, not including 2 dorms and 3 apartments. I hate moving and all things moving related i.e. boxes, packing tape, bubble wrap, moving vans, bills of lading, maps, utility deposits, appraisal fees and closing costs. Incidentally, this expertise allows me to be the world's best Realtor. Seriously? Got a moving issue? Call me. I have seen and done it all.

7. When we moved the last time to Atlanta, Mandy B. encouraged me to start blogging. (I may or may not have been borderline losing my mind...but, I digress) Since then, www.clemsongirlandthecoach.blogspot.com has morphed into something that I adore. I get about 35,000 hits a month and I have made some unbelievable new friends through it.

8. My parents kick ass. No other way to say it. They are still too cute and in love. My mother rocks a bikini like no 59 year old I know and my dad is fierce. He has non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and drives a Corvette. He is a rock star. My Mom and Dad told me every single day of my entire life that I was pretty and smart. They still tell me that. They may be lying.

9. It never occurred to me that I would have boy children. When the ultrasound technician proclaimed them male, I burst into tears and threatened to key her car. True Story.

10. When I turned 30, I had a little meltdown. I took to the bed for 3 days. I can't imagine turing 35 or 40 or 50. I may indeed go completely mental. God help me it's going to be a rough 2010!

11. My husband is a college baseball coach. I am not so much into sports. As in, could not care less. I read magazines during his games if I go at all. When he asks me about the pitchers, I simply say "What can you say about that pitcher. Unbelievable!" That way, whether the pitcher was good or bad, I am covered. He has figured this scheme out, but pretends not to have done so. Amen for that.

12. I have a hair cycle. It is very complicated and I would tell you about it, but then I would have to kill you. It involves a calendar, certain days of washing and large Velcro rollers.

13. I only get my hair cut every 6 or 8 months. It freaks me out completely. When I was in middle school my mother took me to her hair dresser, Inez. Inez refused to cut my hair because it was thicker than hers. She also had a sign in her salon that said "If your children can not stay seated and behave, I don't want them in here." She was something else.

14. I have several addictions. One of them is to my label maker. The others are none of your business. Kidding.

15. When I wake up in the morning, I drink a Diet soda. My favorite it Tab, but I have been known to enjoy whatever is on sale. Throughout the course of the day, I probably knock back about 8 of them. I am not interested in your judging or concern for my liver. Thanks though.

16. Today we were out of Diet soda (gasp) and I made no fewer than 3 POTS of coffee. I was home alone. This is not a problem. Stop looking so shocked.

17. When I 17, my friend Lauren and I spent the summer in Spain. Our parents were totally thrilled for us. We had one of the most fun trips I have ever taken. I rode on the only white Indian motorcycle with a side car in the entire country. We did the Olympics, World's Fair and many, many unmentionable things that vacation.

18. I have a white monogram on the back of my minivan. I love my minivan. I give it spa treatments once a week and have a hot pink pop up trash can hanging on the armrest.

19. My vision is 20/400. I wear contacts all the time, even to sleep. My glasses are so hideous I hate to wear them. My husband has only seen me in them 3 times. It is not cute. I am not cute in them. It's all bad. Very, very bad.

20. I read a book every night. Every. Night.

21. I remember what I wore to every event of my life. Try me.

22. When I was 8, I had a roller skating party. I wanted to wear a royal blue miniskirt and leg warmers. My mother advised me against a skirt for skating. I should have listened. I have an enormous scar on my knee to commemorate my poor wardrobe choice.

23. I am extremely overconfident about my abilities with regard to life skills. I think I could do just about anything. Except be an astronaut...but who wants to eat that nasty space food anyway?

24. I am allergic to milk, just like my dad. It makes us sneeze. We don't care enough to avoid it.

25. My friends are amazing. This fact is neither random nor uninteresting. It is the fiber of my being. That, caffeine and lip gloss of course!

Powers

Coach and I were just in the kitchen making lunches/coffee/snacks for Thursday and he was being a little mean. Not like abusive mean, but borderline snarky. Me no likey the snark from Coach. That's my deal, not his. His is to look good and keep his trap shut. (kidding honey...sort of)

I told him that I was having lunch with the Mayor tomorrow and I was going to tattle on him.

"The Mayor is going to use his Mayoral powers on you and get you in some serious trouble mister." I told him while wielding a peanut butter covered knife. (salmonella-free)

"Huh? What Mayoral powers you weirdo? What's he going to do? Please." he was wielding no weapon, peanut butter encrusted or otherwise, just a coffee filter. Sucker.

I don't know, but he's like Magical Barbie or something. When he talks, people obey.

Change of Address

Got this new address card in the mail yesterday from a close friend who is currently living in Switzerland with her hubs and their 2 little Princesses. I call her"Swiss Miss", because if you move to Lucerne, you're getting an appropriate, yet cliche, nickname. I'm just saying. (By the way, they moved within Switzerland from one million year old chateau to another or some such fabulousness!)

In any case, the day I met her when we moved into our apartment at DisneyWorld, she was just uber cool. Way cooler than me and my traditional (read:boring) Midwestern self. She just had that West Coast-ish attitude and I loved her from the first. We've stayed friends for 13 years, through many, many moves on both of our parts. Mine more frequent, hers much farther away. Yet, we both know the landmines of moving. We should write a book. A very, very helpful book. Hmmmm...I digress.

In any case, Coach and I have sent out change of address cards every time we've gone to the next stop of the Coaching Tour.

They have never been this cool.

I'll never be this cool.

I'll never be the Swiss Miss.

Tequila Sunrise

Why, yes! I do need a margarita this morning. How sweet of you to ask.

Seriously folks? I am just this side of the looney bin lately.

Going to need some cooperation here. From everyone. Everywhere.

Magic Pants

Once and for all...$16.99, often on sale. Price on the pants when you get them may say $14.99. Call and they will price adjust AFTER you get them, or take them to a Target and they will give you your $2.

Here's the link.

Yes, they are longish.

Yes, you can wear them with flats.

No, you can't see through them.

Order a size smaller than you think.

No they don't fade.

No, the don't wrinkle.

No, they don't get bulges in the knees.

NO! You can't find them in the store.

Trust me on that last one. You may find what you THINK are these pants, but I assure you, they are NOT the right ones.

Sheesh.

Saturday Digs

We're off to a school event for Coach. It's freezing. I am tired and want a nap.

No such luck. At least I'll be cozy!

The infamous yellow beads that I've been wearing forev-ah.

Black kangaroo pocket sweater from Old Navy

White cami...duh

Magic Pants

Black Mossimo Patent flats with grosgrain bow

Thanks for Noticing

Coach made quite the observation tonight over dinner.

"You haven't cooked once this week. Monday we had subs from Publix (Boar's Head rocks!). Tuesday was pizza night for the school (buffet = gross). Wednesday was church dinner. Thursday I made you grilled cheese (perfect!) and tonight we're having Carrabba's take out (we had a gift card from Christmas)."

I'm going to pretend that he was desperately missing my cooking. Not that he was being at all accusatory.

'Cause that's how I roll.

It's a Toss Up

Either I am pretty cute still or I am a complete hag. Dunno.

#1
Went to Target to pick up some groceries. Had a whole mess of singles. Counted them out and laughed and said, "I am totally not a stripper." The young-ish guy behind me in line said, "Yeah. No kidding." Hmpf.

#2
Went to Home Depot to have some moulding cut. Pulled out the measurements I had written on a piece of paper. Guy says, "Is that paper pink?" Uh, yeah. "Is that green ink?" (my name is on on the paper in kelly green) Uh, also a yes.

"I'm cutting this for free. You are a Girl with a capital G."

Oh No He Didn't

The back story:
Jack slid down the slide at school today on his knees and made a hole in the knee of his jeans. No big deal. I really don't worry about things like that; one, he's a 5 year old boy and two, the jeans were hand-me-downs from his brother. (Which I probably bought on clearance at the Gap outlet!)

The children wore winter coats with hoods today and Jack's hair is really thin.

The story:
After school today we had PSR (Catholic religious education) which the children (understandably) HATE. In any case, we were walking down the hallway today and a Nun smiled at Jack,

"How are you buddy?" she asked.
"Not good. Not good at all." he said. (I braced myself for the worst!)
"Why's that?" to which Jack replied...

"I have a hole in my pants and my hair is crazy.

I look like a homeless person."

Is it Wednesday Already?

Well, I suppose it's a good thing that not all 385 moms showed up this morning, but we did get some new volunteers, which is great. We're planning the last large event for this school year and help is always needed. We powered through 84,000 cups of coffee and an equally large amount of calories in pastries.

We're expecting another cold blast and ridiculously low temps again this week. Seriously? Jack Frost? I don't remember inviting you to Georgia. If you could hightail it back up North, that'd be fantastic.

You would not be proud of today's hair and outfit. Green velour pants, black cami, black long sleeve tee and hair that defies gravity atop my head. Bad, bad news.

At least I'm honest!

More Inventory

You asked...here are some more of the inventory.

Just email me and we'll write up your offers! hee hee

Atlanta

Atlanta

Atlanta

Dallas, GA

Canton, GA

Canton, GA

Canton, GA

Atlanta

Marietta, GA 3 acres!

Kennesaw, GA in an Equestrian Subdivision

Marietta, GA with a studio in the basement!

Marietta, GA

Acworth, GA 5 bedrooms and a finished basement!

Bring it. Let's start buying! I'll provide the Starbucks and the witty banter.

Just Listed!

I listed both of these gorgeous homes today in Cobb County. I love them both and can't wait to start showing them! Imagine how beautiful they are when it's NOT 38 degrees outside! Georgia in the spring is my favorite...and it's right around the corner. Or so I keep telling myself.

This house actually has Atlanta city views...and an enormous basement!

Don't you adore this picket fence!? Check out the monogrammed planters, darling!


In other news, as the PTA President, I have to recruit volunteers to help with all the rocking school events we host. In order to get some folks interested and involved, I sent home an invitation to all 385 students last week. Coffee and pastries at my house on Wednesday morning. So, in theory, I could have 385 moms coming over bright and early in 2 days. If not, the 3 board members are going to be seriously hopped up on caffeine.

Coach is on my list...

Yeah, he's pretty to look at...but man he makes me so mad.

He insisted that we take the children to the park today for 90 very long minutes. It was 38 freaking degrees. Yes, 38 freaking degrees in Georgia and Coach was adamant that the minis get some exercise. Whatever.

I was bundled in fleece yoga pants, 2 shirts, a hoodie, a puffy vest, mittens and drinking coffee and I was still freezing.

Remember people, I left the North in 1993 for 2 reasons.

Reason #1: The weather. Me no likey the cold.
Reason #2: People look at me funny up there when I wear sassy shoes.

I'm just saying.

Hard Copy

After reading about Jillian, Inc's sad loss of her entire blog by accidental deletion, I thought it best to safe guard all of my posts by printing a hard copy. I know that many of my entries are silly and possible quite forgettable, but there are many that I'd like to save for posterity.

677 posts printed later and I have quite the enormous stack of paper!

I am sure there is some other way to back up a blog in a more technologically advanced way, but a hard copy seemed pretty simple. Now I just have to remember to keep printing as I post.

I suggest you back yours up somehow...just in case!

Hot Stuff

If you use the heating pad on Sunday night and then accidentally leave it plugged in and turned on behind the nightstand...

It will not burn your house down, but it will be totally warm and ready for you to use again on Friday night.

I'm just saying.

Tunes

OK, I am loving this song.

I am not single. I have no desire to be single.

Coach "liked it so he put a ring on it..."

Just click here and listen to it...tell me you don't like it as much as Hoochie Mama. You might want to close your eyes or turn off the monitor...the video is very 70s Jane Fonda-esque and watching it may influence your loving of the song. But truly...it's a catchy one. Serious iPod material.

I'm just saying.

Maybe

Maybe Jack is not a baby anymore; his mother is certainly behaving like an old lady.

Went to the mall (g-ross, I hate the mall) today to exchange something for the minis and I forgot where I parked. I wandered around outside of Macy's for about 12 minutes waving my keys in the air and pressing the lock button so I could here the monogrammed minivan beep.

Ridiculous.

And I couldn't even call anyone to whine about it since my phone was at Verizon getting new software uploaded to it.

Sheesh.

Sigh...

Jack is ''over" the baby toys. Things that just one year ago he loved, he now proclaims are "for little, tiny babies" and must be disposed of "like right this very minute". Hmpf.

The problem is, even though he is 5, he is MY "little tiny baby". He is all snuggled in his (monogrammed) sheets smelling like bubblegum scented lotion. His fleece jammies are covered in little green dinosaurs. He is sucking his thumb and rubbing a blanket between his fingers.

This week he parted with a rubbermaid full of so called "baby" toys and his play kitchen. Before you know it, he'll be going to college.

Sigh.

Holy Interest Rates Batman!

It's official. Mortgage interest rates are the lowest in 40 years! An additional drop is expected today as well. Unbelievable!

If you're thinking of buying a house, now is the time! If you're thinking of selling, now is the time. Buyers are going to flip when they realize how low the rates are! With a point, we're talking about rates in the 4s! (no, that doesn't apply to refinancing...sorry!)

Girls? We're talking about the opportunity of a lifetime.

Even better than a clearance sale on Lilly Pulitzer. Pinky swear.

Email me if you need anything real estate related clemsongirlandthecoach@yahoo.com. You know I am your favorite Realtor...duh.

Favorite Things

Some of the fun things I got for Christmas...hey, I am taking a break from cleaning.

Give a girl some slack!

This book is too funny. Must see what else she has written.

My newest flavor...Strawberry Fizz. Yummy!

Tervis Big T with a pink golf bag on it...lawd, that's some cute stuff!

Ahhh..my new tennis racket. Yes, it's from Target and yes it's probably not good quality...but hey, it's been fun playing with the children...and making Coach call me Maria. Sharapova that is.

Lightweight hoodie in Lemonade from Old Navy. Been pairing them with puffy vests for now...solo in spring. Perfect for baseball games...whilst reading a magazine of course!

Pumas. Mine are shadow grey and light blue, this orange is super cute too. They feel really different from my other trainers, like I am walking on the ground. Really comfy!

Burberry Brit. Thanks Coach and the minis!

A hug for my feet. Pseudo Uggs...from Target!

Lacoste Touch of Pink. The best.

Cinderella

It's Wednesday, so of course I am cleaning house.

The children are NOT happy to return to Catechism this afternoon after a 2 week break.

Jack informed me that "PSR is still shit in 2009."

I concur little man. I concur.

Long Overdue

Can't believe I am just getting these photos up. In any case, here they are!

Fantastic swap package from Jillian, Inc. Seriously? She rocked it! I loved everything in the entire pink hat box it was delivered in! Extra points for the Clemson mints!

Jack on Pajama Day. Lawyer's Wife knows I am the mean mommy who doesn't let the minis wear camo to school, so she gifted these fleece camo pants and orange tees to them just in time for PJ day at school. Jack loves anything with his name on it, so this shirt? Too perfect!

The Metro Richmond Zoo was a stop on the East Coast Tour 2008. Does this giraffe have the longest tongue you've ever seen? Ryan cracked up every time he fed this guy.

Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus. And yes, we were out of town for 2+ weeks. This is the vast emptiness I came home to. And the OJ and the clementines were added upon my arrival.

Dude

I went to Publix to get the groceries for the week and saw something that irritates the fire out of me.

A dad, walking around the store with the children so mom can shop. Super idea, yes? Except you're not "helping" her if instead of taking half the damn list and finding it, you're RUNNING up and down the aisles having "races" with the children.

You're playing "hide and seek" with them around corners.

Dude. Seriously?

What do you think the children are going to do the next time mom has to take them grocery shopping without your so-called "help"? They are going to run and hide and make this mundane task even more of a pain in the arse.

So really? Keep the children at home while she meanders through the store. (*note: this would not be called "babysitting", seeing as you're their father, duh) While she's gone, how about loading up that dishwasher and running the vacuum a time or two? How about sorting through some toys or scrubbing that toilet?

Better yet? Why don't you take the list and the children to the store while she stays home and watches some TV.

I'm just saying.

Kitchen Confidential

Coach and I had Caprese salads for dinner.

Then he requested a meatball sub.

While eating it, he pulled out a long, long dark brown hair.

He said, "At least it's Day 1 of the Hair Cycle." and went right back to eating.

I was the chef tonight. Oops.

Aw Shucks!

Cornhuskers win.

I do love my Tigers though! Maybe I should have left my Clemson Christmas tree up one more day!

In other news? Minis are headed to bed in 5 minutes. Amen.

Need to gather my thoughts...and my laundry.

Y'all

Y'all are watching the Tigers play in the Gator Bowl right now, right?