What I Did On My Summer Vacation: Part 1

Oh boy. You better buckle up, it's been a bumpy summer vacation.

Most importantly we are staying in Atlanta for another year, at least. After much ado, Coach signed a new contract at The University. Amen.

After the minis left for Granny Camp 2010, Coach and I began planning our adult "vacation". We debated heading to Siesta for a low key week at the beach, but decided instead on a road trip North.

For various reasons (read: budgetary) we opted to drive his car instead of the monogrammed minivan. Which is all fine, except. Except his car had non-functioning AC. Yes, you read that correctly. No AC. We had an appointment to get it fixed up North, but we will had to get "there"...9 hours.

Coach and I had driven with no AC once before to Nashville and it was no bueno. No bueno as in I fell asleep before we left the city of Atlanta and woke up 3 hours later in a pool of sweat, crabby as a billy goat.

So needless to say, I was less than thrilled about said trip. But you know me, always a trooper. I was bound and determined to make it there without complaining.

Coach said we would leave around 3p. Which was confusing to me when he started mowing the lawn at 4:26p. Boys are so stupid.

The day before we left, it was so hot that the rear view mirror fell off the windshield. This had happened multiple times to my cars, so I stopped at the store and bought some glue for it. Coach spent a year and a half cleaning the glass and re-adhering the plate that the mirror attaches to on the windshield. He is perhaps the slowest human being on the planet. No lie. Which is great, since I have the patience of Job. Not.

After he mowed the lawn and loaded the car (I had to use Scout bags because the minis had taken the good luggage to Granny Camp 2010), Coach asked me to "help him put the mirror up". Oh my stars. Like it's hard to slide the mirror on the metal plate.

Oh, but it is.

After 15 minutes of finagling with it and attempting to tighten the screw that holds the mirror (with a pair of pliers, since that makes perfect sense...), I sweetly point out that perhaps the mirror isn't going to fit on the plate. SINCE HE GLUED IT ON BACKWARDS. In the name of God, I love that man, but his inability to fix anything is maddening. I was laughing and crying. And sweating. Since it was 100 degrees and remember...no AC.

We pull out of the drive and head for the Interstate. I am rocking a pair of Clemson soffes and a tank. Not a stitch of makeup and a ponytail. It is now 7p. Right on schedule. 4 hours late. Again. With no AC and no rearview mirror. I am Ellie May Freaking Clampett. How did this happen?

As we are entering the highway, Coach leans forward and starts to pry the metal plate (WHICH IS GLUED!) from the windshield, in an attempt to, I don't know,stop my heart?! I take the pliers from his hand and put them in the back seat. I turn to my husband of a decade and tell him in a very, very quiet voice...

"Touch that rearview mirror plate again and you're asking for marital discord. If you shatter the windshield I will divorce you. Done. Are we perfectly clear?"

He drove a little longer in silence and pouted. Then he perked up and said,"Baby! I forgot to tell you! I brought you something for the trip!" He reached into the back seat and hands me 2 Gatorade themed athletic sweat towels. Seriously? Seriously.

I snatched the towels, put my bare feet on the dash and promptly fell asleep. I woke up at our destination first stop in Charlotte at 11p. I requested (demanded) an Icee. Duh.

...to be continued